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This Is What $18,000-A-Month Rent Gets You In DUMBO
By
John Del Signore
Published Oct 23, 2015
Modified Oct 30, 2015
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Scott Heins / Gothamist
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By
John Del Signore
Published Oct 23, 2015
Modified Oct 30, 2015
Share
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A few months ago I was taking a stroll through the swank new riverfront park at the end of Jay Street in DUMBO, Brooklyn, USA when I noticed a surreal space-age dwelling seemingly hovering across the street from the Con Ed facility.
Damn, thought I, what sort of freaky futuristic robot sex parties are going on up there at this very moment? And why wasn't I invited? So I taped my business card to the ground floor entrance and waited by the phone, which was pretty easy because it was in my pocket.
A day or two later, the call came. The tenant in this penthouse agreed to let me up inside, with a photographer, to document the Lives of the Rich and Sophisticated Sex Robots. Unfortunately, complicated robot porn licensing issues prevented us filming the robotic intercourse, so you'll have to settle for some vanilla apartment porn instead. But just look at those views! And we did learn some "fun" facts:
- The rent is $18,000 a month.
- There are two floors and three terraces.
- The master bathroom has not one but two of those enormous waterfall showerheads you sometimes find in hotels that make you feel like a hobo bathing in the Penn Station men's room whenever you get back to your own bathroom.
- The view of the fireworks from this penthouse is spectacular.
- Robots can have as much sex as they want and they never get pregnant. (But new developments in robot fertility technology could change that!)
- If you have money to burn, New York City is a fun place to strike a match!
Do you live or have access to a spectacular NYC home you'd like to anonymously (or not) let us photograph? Send us an email.
We also need a boat.
Tagged
apartment porn
brooklyn
dumbo
whats up there
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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