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'Stock Up Now:' Knife Guys Panic Over Cuomo Ban On Plastic Blades
By
Jake Offenhartz
Published Oct 23, 2019
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By
Jake Offenhartz
Published Oct 23, 2019
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In the rich tapestry of internet weapon enthusiasts, there are few groups more passionate than knife guys. Their specific pedigrees run the gamut—from rugged outdoorsmen to gangsters in movies to that one friend who always has a knife, just in case—but all are united under a shared love of the blade.
Unsurprising, then, that New York's forthcoming ban on certain non-metallic knives is whipping up white-hot rage. Starting next month, the possession, shipment, and manufacturing of knives not identifiable by metal detectors will be considered a Class A misdemeanor. The proposal was signed into law earlier this year by Governor Andrew Cuomo (who reads as a knife guy, but is actually a car guy).
Banning sly plastic or ceramic blades, the governor promised, "will help ensure our airports, courtrooms and other public buildings are safe."
But what if it doesn't? What if the only way to stop a bad guy with a plastic knife is a good guy with a whole arsenal of plastic knives he's been hoarding in his bathroom? For more on that, we turn to Lynn C. Thompson, president of Cold Steel Inc**.**, a California-based knife manufacturer.
"Am I concerned about people sneaking knives into courtrooms and airplanes and stuff like that?" asks Thompson, addressing the knife company's nearly 1 million YouTube subscribers. "Yes I am. But I don’t think we should give up our right to keep and bear all kinds of arms."
In addition to being reliably weather-proof and more or less unregulated until now, one perk of the non-metallic weapons is that, for the cost of a deli sandwich, you can kill another human being.
"The piercing power is quite substantial," Thompson proclaims. "It’ll go through rib cages. It’ll go through virtually any part of the human body, for seven bucks."
This is why, he says, it's important to buy now, and begin scattering the instruments around your home like Easter eggs: "There’s so many places that, if you use your imagination, you can put one of these non-metallic knives." Some recommended hiding spots for your soon-to-be illegal knives include: the shower, outdoor planters and "a goldfish bowl." (Do not stab bubbles).
"You can put four in your backpack and there’s one for all your friends," Thompson offers. "Stock up now before this law goes into effect." (The legislation is unrelated to a City Council proposal to ban single-use plasticware, including disposable knives, which has not yet come up for a vote).
After picking up a series of knives and making downward stabbing motions, the videos concludes with a plea for lawlessness, and a subtle nod to the most advanced knife guys of them all: gun guys.
“No law can stop people from acquiring these types of weapons if you want," Thompson says. "Remember, the only way to stop a bad man, is a good man with a gun.”
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Cuomo
Jake Offenhartz
Jake Offenhartz is a former Gothamist reporter.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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