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Spiked License Plate Frames: The Solution To Terrorist Cyclists?
By
John Del Signore
Published Jul 13, 2011
Modified Jul 13, 2011
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By
John Del Signore
Published Jul 13, 2011
Modified Jul 13, 2011
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As intrepid CBS 2 reporter Marcia Kramer recently reported, "many" people are wondering "what would happen if a man on a bike were a terrorist." Is YOUR family safe from cyclist terror threats? Have you adequately protected your vehicle from hijacking attempts waged by two-wheeled spandex sleeper cells? There's a lot you can do to make sure these bloodthirsty zealots don't pop wheelies all over your hood's Old Glory custom paint job—starting with these low-cost license plate frame spikes!
Twitter user and avid cyclist Bicycles Only recently spotted this safeguarded Lexus on Leonard Street between Broadway and Lafayette. His reaction: "Can't believe it's legal to manufacture this thing or install it on your car. And, of course, he's parking illegally with a placard." Whoa there, Bicycles Only; in this time of cyclist-sponsored terror, all Americans "need to watch what they say, watch what they do."
If you'd like to take the war on bike terror into your own hands, Wal-Mart is selling them online for $9.54. One satisfied user writes, "i bought this because someone backed into my car and destroyed my license plate as well as caused damage. next time they will find holes in their bumper if they decide to bump into me. seems to be well made." Attach some retractable spikes to your rims, install an oil slick gun in the trunk, blast the Peter Gunn theme song, and show these Critical Massholes that yer colors don't run!
Tagged
cycling
cyclist terrorist
cyclists
spiked license plate
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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