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Reports Of Domestic Violence Have Declined During Coronavirus Lockdown. That Doesn't Mean It's Not Happening.
By
Mirela Iverac
Published May 14, 2020
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By
Mirela Iverac
Published May 14, 2020
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There are many reasons why domestic violence survivors finally leave their homes. For Celeste, the catalyst was the coronavirus.
She had started her relationship with her partner 10 years ago and, for a while, things went well.
“He's a normal person,” she said. “He’s kind and loving and giving.”
Celeste said the relationship changed suddenly, around the time she got pregnant with their first child, and her partner became violent.
“It became verbal. Then it became physical. Then it became sexual,” she said. “I was slapped often. I was choked often. I was punched often, hair pulled often.”
Celeste is not her real name. Gothamist/WNYC agreed to protect her identity because she’s a domestic violence survivor.
She said things that set off her partner were unpredictable.
“The furniture wasn't fixed correctly,” she said. “The food was just not right. The perfume I was wearing—not that one today. Any little thing.”
Celeste said she got caught in a cycle of being abused, accepting apologies, and seeing temporary improvements, only to go through the same thing over and over again. Experts say such a dynamic is typical in abusive relationships.
When they were about to have a second child, Celeste felt certain the relationship would get better.
“You’re now loving this person, you're now about to have children with this person*,*” she said. “When [violence] becomes part of routine, I think, you just accept it as it's ok because you know the routine now.”
She even stopped seeing her family, friends, co-workers, worrying they’d know something was wrong.
“You think it's okay to streamline in life, just to keep going,” she said. “If no one knows, it's [violence] going to stop eventually.”
Listen to reporter Mirela Iverac's radio story for WNYC:
As the violence escalated, Celeste eventually looked for help and several months ago obtained an order of protection against her partner from a court. It required him to leave their apartment and prohibited him from approaching Celeste or their two children.
For a while she felt safe, but after the coronavirus outbreak started Celeste had to stay at home with the kids. She said her ex started dropping by a few times a week, in violation of the protective order.
“It escalated to the point he was threatening my life now,” she said, remembering what he told her. “I'm going to kill you if I get my hands on you.”
Experts say they’re hearing about more stalking and harassment with the COVID-19 outbreak. And there were seven domestic violence murders in the city in April, three more than the same month last year.
“A lot of people think, ah, domestic violence, it's just fighting,” said Dorchen Leidholdt, the director of Sanctuary for Families legal center. “But we know that it very quickly escalates. It almost invariably escalates and too often turns very dangerous and lethal.”
Though the number of murders went up last month, reported domestic violence crime went down by 35 percent. That alarms advocates like Leidholdt. She said it likely means that victims are unable to escape their abusers and report what they’re facing rather than an actual decrease.
“We’re seeing circumstances of survivors sheltering in place with abusers and finding it exceptionally difficult to get help and assistance,” she said.
And when it comes to leaving abusive partners, advocates said victims might be less inclined to make that decision now.
“It's always hard and it takes a huge amount of effort to leave,” said Carol Corden, the executive director of New Destiny Housing, which provides permanent housing for DV survivors. “Having a pandemic in the background means that for survivors it's even harder.”
One evening in March, Celeste said she realized she had no choice but to leave her home. Her partner was back, banging on the door.
“He was yelling profanity and then he was going to kill me,” she said. “I know you’re home. You have to be home now because of the coronavirus. So eventually I'm going to get you.”
She packed up a suitcase with clothes, shoes, her daughter’s L.O.L. dolls and her son’s Batman figures. That night, after her former partner finally walked away, she got into a cab. Celeste went to the city’s intake center for homeless families in the Bronx. She was placed in a domestic violence shelter the next day and said she felt relieved.
“Now, I feel like I have a chance at life, at being healthy,” she said.
She spends most of her days with her kids doing remote learning and has a message for other women who are being abused.
“The only thing to do is get out,” she said. “The quicker you do it, the better.”
New York City’s domestic violence hotline can be reached at 800-621-HOPE (4673). More resources are available at nyc.gov/NYCHOPE.
Tagged
COVID-19
domestic violence
coronavirus
Mirela Iverac
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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