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Pale Male Embroiled In Jerry Springer-Worthy Love Triangle
By
Ben Yakas
Published Apr 3, 2011
Modified May 19, 2011
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By
Ben Yakas
Published Apr 3, 2011
Modified May 19, 2011
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Ever since Lola walked out on him (or, um, died), Pale Male hasn't been the same red tailed hawk we all fell in love with lo those many years ago; he's stopped grooming his talons, he's been drinking more, and he spends his days at the track and his nights in the clubs. As if the boozing, womanizing and squirrel-chasing weren't enough, he's got some serious baby mama trouble now.
After Lola disappeared, Pale Male hooked up with feisty, dark-haired Ginger; after a few weeks though, that relationship collapsed, and she left the park. Then Pale Male met his Mia Farrow, Pale Beauty (in this analogy, Lola was Diane Keaton, and Ginger was Stacey Nelkin). However, Ginger has come back into the picture suddenly, and now, she is sitting on Pale Beauty's egg!
"We have all these images of birds being monogamous and loving couples because our ideal couples are often birds. But the reality is that birds have very messy lives...Birds have extramarital affairs, and they lay eggs in other birds' nests," said Glenn Phillips, executive director of New York City Audubon. Hey buddy, nobody is married here, hawks are more enlightened than that. Pale Male is just having his mid-flight crisis...or he's turning into the Charlie Sheen of hawks (#notsoaring). We're just nervous about what happens when that egg hatches—will Pale Male meet his Soon Yi Preven?
Tagged
baby drama
pale male
red-tailed hawk
Ben Yakas
Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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