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Kids' Bathroom Breaks Drive Teacher To Hold Extreme Constipation Contest
By
John Del Signore
Published Jan 18, 2012
Modified Jan 18, 2012
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By
John Del Signore
Published Jan 18, 2012
Modified Jan 18, 2012
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Children: always with the pooping and the peeing, and often at inopportune times, like when Mrs. Warner is trying to educate the rotten bathroom-abusing fifth graders at P.S. 90 on Coney Island! According to an email obtained by Brooklyn Daily, Warner and the school's principal, Greta Hawkins, are fed up with students micturating and defecating whenever their indulgent little bodies want to cut loose. So they've implemented a rewards system where students who demonstrate the most self-control over the course of a week win an array of fabulous prizes, like stickers and pencils! The winners can then use these for fun activities while they recover from their bladder infections.
"Only one person at a time, they must have the pass, they have three minutes, they must sign in and out properly, and they must ask me," Warner wrote in an email to the principal. "If the procedures are not followed properly, they will receive a note home. I can’t think of anything else that would solve this problem. I am exasperated with the constant bathroom needs." Kids: so much easier to teach when they're still in diapers.
Parents say children at the school are given three bathroom vouchers at the start of the week, and encouraged to cross their legs and wait until lunch or recess. But if a weak-bladdered student absolutely must attend to nature's call, he or she is required to hand over one of their vouchers. Those who still have all three vouchers on Friday are the winners! Losers learn an important lesson about limiting their intake of fluids. Mrs. Warner and Principal Hawkins have not commented on the kerfuffle.
Of course, some parents think their little darlings should be able to indulge themselves whenever their bladders and bowels desire. Area mom Sandra Leon tells the Brooklyn Daily, "Eight hours a day for five days, three passes — that doesn’t make any sense. [My son] has a bladder problem and is getting surgery for it — and this is exacerbating it." Sheesh, it's gotten so a teacher can't have a character-building no-pissing contest without somebody raining on their parade. Don't look now, here come the potty police and their lavatory-licensing lawyers!
Tagged
bathroom
bladder infection
coney island
kids
ps 90
school
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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