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7 Ways To Say "Chink In The Armor" Without Being Racist
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Feb 20, 2012
Modified Feb 20, 2012
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Feb 20, 2012
Modified Feb 20, 2012
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We've weighed the apology of the ESPN employee who was fired for writing "Chink In The Armor," headline and though we still think it's stupid, we understand that there aren't that many clichés for sportswriters to lean on. This is because the phrases have to allude to combat or mythology ("Achilles' heel") or other facets of Brodom. It's time to set down those dull rhetorical swords and try a more unique turn of phrase. Here are seven ways to say "Chink In The Armor" without being totally racist.
Poop In The Pool
This is an easy one because poop is generally considered the enemy to a pleasant outing anywhere, but especially a pool. Save this one for when Michael Phelps gets DQ'd for taking massive gravity bong hits right before competition.
Truffle Oil On The Taco
Nothing is more frustrating than when a chef takes something inherently beautiful and destroys it with a trend ingredient. This phrase is excellent to describe superstar athletes who don't mesh well with their teams, which never, ever happens here in NYC.
Colbert In The Build-A-Bear Factory
At first glance it's esoteric, but this headline makes perfect sense to ESPN's target demo of 18-45 year old males who know that Stephen Colbert hates bears and who likely have spent an hour one shameful Valentine's Day cramming asbestos into a cotton bear carcass named "Theodore."
Snag In The Sweatervest
Perfect for Ivy League rowing competitions, this screams "Damien Frederick Downes IV deeply dishonored his heritage in the final moments of this year's competition, and will probably not be spending December in the Maldives as planned."
McConaughey In The Movie
You think you're seeing a nice Gary Oldman flick and WHAM: McConaughey. Use sparingly, as it's potency is unparalleled.
Coldplay On The Playlist
Especially relevant for sporting events at which a team or athlete is doing everything right, and things are gelling, and the mood is perfect for the team to score, yes the team will score tonig—"Yellow?" Who the fuck put "Yellow" on this playlist? Oh god, we're so sorry. Please don't leave?
Tebow In The Titty Bar
Would you want Tim Tebow in the strip club with you?
Tagged
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jeremy lin
linsanity
Matthew McConaughey
racism
rowing
sportswriters
sweatervests
turns of phrase
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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