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Invitation or Obligation?
By
Doug Gordon
Published May 20, 2004
Modified Mar 6, 2008
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By
Doug Gordon
Published May 20, 2004
Modified Mar 6, 2008
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A childhood friend of mine announced her engagement a year ago. In February, I had lunch with the bride to be. She showed me photos of her dress and declared her excitement about my presence at the wedding. After that I never heard from her. Recently, my sister saw the bride and asked about the wedding. She told my sister the invitation was coming in the mail, but I never received one so I figured I was shafted. I understood this as there are limitations on who can be invited but it sucks when your friend of 15 years told you that you were invited and then you never hear from her. Here's the thing: the wedding is this Saturday and I got the invitation a few days ago. It's obvious that she's only inviting me now to be politically correct. I have other plans this weekend, too. Should I give in and attend this big, fat, weird wedding?
Name Withheld By Request
Many couples keep a "B List" of wedding guests: a list of people to invite should people who made the first cut not be able to attend. Ask Gothamist thinks this is pretty tacky as most people know what it means when they get a wedding invitation so late in the game. Attending a wedding is a lot more fun when it is more than an obligation but it seems that is about all your presence at this wedding would be.
What is to be gained by your attendance? The fact that you have known each other for a long time is one thing, but what seems more important is your recent history and potential as . If you haven't spoken to this woman in months and you don't think you'll have much of a relationship with her in the future, it seems unnecessary to break your plans for Saturday night. Then again, choosing to see Shrek 2 over attending her wedding might not be a great excuse. Hopefully your plans are a little more substantive than that.
Ask Gothamist recommends that you politely decline, send a gift, wish the couple well and hope that the bride is open to hearing your reasons for not attending after the wedding is over.
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