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The Traitors At Murray's Will Now Toast Transplants' Bagels


By

Rebecca Fishbein

Published Sep 8, 2015

Modified Sep 8, 2015


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By

Rebecca Fishbein

Published Sep 8, 2015

Modified Sep 8, 2015


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A fresh bagel should never be toasted. This is the principle on which New York City was founded (historical documents say the Peters Stuyvesant and Minuit would rather eat pinecones than toasted whole wheat everythings) and it's one that has been dutifully upheld by stalwart bagelries like the Bagel Hole, dearly-departed H&H Bagels, and Murray's Bagels. UNTIL NOW, THAT IS—the traitors at Murray's have agreed to toast their wares upon request. Laugh now, but it's just a matter of time until every bagel shop in this city serves nothing but thawed "New York Style" bagels straight out of Thomas's packaging.

Quartz reports that Murray's, previously considered one of the city's best bagel shops, has agreed to begin toasting bagels. This was announced in a tweet in June but somehow went unnoticed, perhaps because Murray's doesn't have many Twitter followers.

Murray's had wisely refused to toast bagels for the last two decades, operating with the unassailable knowledge that only day-old or "frozen" atrocities should be sullied by the heat of a toaster oven. But apparently, SOME PEOPLE are upset that Murray's won't destroy their bagels for them, and Murray's is giving in to their demands. Note that these bagel-toasting monsters are people who have Bad Taste and should immediately be deported to Philadelphia.

Per a statement from Murray's:

Although we still firmly believe that a hand-rolled, kettle-boiled, fresh Murray’s Bagel is superb, our customer’s satisfaction is paramount to us. We will now toast bagels upon request and hope that everyone will enjoy New York’s best bagels any way they choose.

Just wait 'til the Yelpers make us swap out every bagel shop out for Red Lobster outposts.

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Rebecca Fishbein

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