This Manhattan Apartment Has Six Terraces, How Many Do YOU Have?

Jen Carlson

Published Apr 28, 2017

Modified Apr 28, 2017

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Jen Carlson

Published Apr 28, 2017

Modified Apr 28, 2017

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I have what I consider to be a fairly large fire escape that could definitely double as a youthfully romantic version of a terrace if I just threw down some particle board. But turning a fire escape into a furnished patio is not really legal, I've been told, and it overlooks the building's garbage courtyard anyway. I mean, even I could get my window open! Sounds like a whole lot of trouble to sit al fresco just 5-feet above the trash of forty other apartment units. Still, I am working on some plans to transform it into my own paradise, or at least my own Fyre Fest VIP tent.

Meanwhile, in Manhattan, other people who have made different (though maybe not "better") choices in life have real terraces. Ones with doors that they can just walk out onto and there's a whole conversation pit with a nice Weber grill topped with king crab legs and vegetable skewers. This kind of luxury is all around us, and it's easy to ignore... until you hear about these goddamn people who have six terraces. That is TOO MANY TERRACES FOR ONE HOMEOWNER. Maybe consider gifting access to one of the terraces to those not fortunate enough to have outdoor space. Stop being so greedy.

The apartment also has indoor features, like a bunch of bathrooms and bedrooms, views of iconic stuff, private parking, a 60-square-foot walk-in closet, a built-in bar on the top floor, MORE THAN ONE FLOOR, and "outdoor gas heaters to ensure" all those terraces can by enjoyed year-round. Even though according to my non-scientific study rich people rarely use their outdoors spaces. If you need proof, just walk along the Brooklyn Heights Promenade and look at the houses instead of the skyline. You will see a whole bunch of empty patios and yards.

Anyway, according to the listing for the home that comes with these six outdoor appendages, you can use them for "chatting with friends, yoga and meditation time, hosting an out of town guest, cutting loose, or just relaxing." Up to you, asshole!

[h/t Architectural Digest]

Tagged

real estate

terraces