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Rules of Engagement, NY Times Ethicist Style
By
Jen Chung
Published Dec 31, 2006
Modified Mar 7, 2008
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By
Jen Chung
Published Dec 31, 2006
Modified Mar 7, 2008
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It's so funny, we were watching WNBC 4 yesterday and there was a segment about engagement rings. If a woman receives an engagement ring on a holiday (Christmas, birthday, etc.) and then later breaks off the engagement, she can keep the ring because it was be considered a gift. So experts suggest that women request their engagement rings on holidays and that men not give them on holidays.
And now there's this instant classic NY Times Magazine The Ethicist column:
I am engaged to a woman from another state who will move here and most likely adopt my friends as her own. The issue is that I have slept with all my female friends. Do I have a moral obligation to tell my fiancée? I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around them, but I want to be open and honest. B.J.M., New York
We bet every single New Yorker reading this column wondered if they knew BJM, wondered if they were one of the females in BJM's group, or if BJM and his fiancee would ever make it to the altar. We urge you to read The Ethicist Randy Cohen's answer (which generally says to disclose everything to BJM's lady love) in full, but we thought this part of his advice was pretty good:
This is a delicate matter. You might broach it this way. Gather your female friends and your fiancée, and say to the latter: These women have something in common. Can you guess what? She’ll venture various wrong answers — a love of the ballet? careers in physics? allergies to cats? — after which you’ll chuckle benignly and reveal the truth. Beyond the good-natured acceptance that will no doubt greet this revelation, all your exes will surely be pleased to find themselves members of a sort of club. They’ll probably start getting together once a month. With snacks.
It's sort of like an intervention, but for the fiancee! Of course this scenario is a joke. We think.
Gothamist would like to ask BJM this question: Why not simply leave telling the fiancee about your history on a case by case basis? Or why not try saying "Honey, [name of friend here] and I used to date," and have the fiancee read between the lines. Oh, who knows.
Gothamist's interview with Randy Cohen.
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advice
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Do I
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randy cohen
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Jen Chung
Jen Chung is a former WNYC and Gothamist editor.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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