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<em>Game Of Thrones</em> Power Rankings: Walk Of Punishment

Ben Yakas

Published Apr 14, 2013

Modified Apr 15, 2013

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Ben Yakas

Published Apr 14, 2013

Modified Apr 15, 2013

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Last week on Game Of Thrones, we met the quippy Queen Of Thorns and watched as Margaery wrapped Joffrey around her little finger. This week, we got high humor with the sexual exploits of young squire Podrick and the first meeting of the new king's council; The Hold Steady singing “The Bear and the Maiden Fair;” and arguably the greatest cut-to-black in the history of the show. Since the show is all about how people jockey for power, we've decided to follow along this season with our Game of Thrones Power Rankings—aka, who is owning this week.

Game Of Thrones Power Rankings, Week 3:

1. Tywin Lannister: He doesn't say much this episode (besides giving his son a shitty job), but he's there, and that's enough to keep him on top of the rankings.

2. Mance Rayder: Who would have guessed that Mance appreciates the finer things in life, like the bloody craftsmanship of White Walkers. Also gets to stamp away in the snow while declaring, "I'm going to light the biggest fire The North has ever seen!"

3. Daenerys Targaryen: After getting a lot of unsolicited advice from Jorah and Ser Barristan (and getting mocked by the slave trader), she's ready to sell off a dragon...although something tells us the Mother of Dragons won't be getting rid of one of her dragons so quickly.

4. Robb Stark: Surrounded by impatient relatives in Riverrun, he finally shows some real leadership ability. His kindly wife is pretty boring though.

5. Tyrion Lannister: A bump up in the rankings this week, thanks to his chair-dragging humor, his new position as Master of Coin, teaching Bronn about debt, and repaying his debt to Podrick.

6. Cersei Lannister: One-upped by her little brother in chair-sitting skills, but got to shove Tyrion's new job in his face.

7. Littlefinger: On his way to the Eyrie to marry Lysa Arryn, Catelyn Stark's sister, who has always been "positively predisposed" to him. He's not a magician though, so that sucks for him.

8. Ser Brynden Tully: This week we meet Catelyn's uncle, aka Blackfish, who is excellent with a bow and arrow, respectful of Robb, and totally annoyed by his nephew Edmure Tully (the fellow who isn't so good with a bow).

9. Stannis Baratheon: The Lord Of Light's special chosen one is getting a bit possessive of his witchy girlfriend and paranoid about his enemies—but he's super horny, so give him a break.

10. Arya Stark: A "guest" of the Brotherhood Without Banners, but Hot Pie does make delicious wolf bread!

11. Catelyn Stark: Super sad because her dad is dead, and her brother is an idiot, and her son is angry with her, and her other kids are all missing. She feels like she's a bad mother, which...well, she kinda is, isn't she?

12. Podrick Payne: "These ladies enjoyed him so much they gave him the time for free?" Ser Bronn asks. We're going to need copious details.

13. Brienne Of Tarth: She wasn't raped, so she's doing better than Jaime at this point.

14. Jaime Lannister: Shows he's a real pal by giving Brienne some friendly advice about getting raped ("Just imagine it's Renly!"), then prevents her from getting raped through force of charm. Unfortunately, it costs him his hand.

15. Samwell Tarly: Poor sad Samwell—even Craster the incest-loving proto-feminist makes fun of him: "Why don't you dine on him, carve off what you need...look at him he's a walking feast!"

The Viserys Targeryen Memorial Least Powerful Person Of The Week Award:Theon Greyjoy—Now that he's not being tortured anymore, he's using his free time to bumble around the countryside. He also was in store for an even worse fate if it hadn't been for his mysterious, ruthless new friend.

Not Applicable: We were mercifully spared any appearance by King Joffrey, but we almost missed out on Olenna Redwyne, Sansa Stark, Bran Stark, and the beautiful Margaery Tyrell. Oh, and Rickon Stark, but he's useless. Next week, most of them will be back, and we'll also learn more about The Unsullied. Until then, here's the Game Of Thrones opening credits circa 1995.

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game of thrones

game of thrones power rankings

power rankings

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Ben Yakas

Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.

Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations

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