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Darth Vader Refuses To Release Photos Of Obi-Wan's Body
By
Ben Yakas
Published May 11, 2011
Modified May 11, 2011
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By
Ben Yakas
Published May 11, 2011
Modified May 11, 2011
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As we learned yesterday, the floodgates have been pushed wide open for NY Times parodies. But every Samwise Gamgee worth his weight in silver pennies knows the Times is chockfull of hilarity! However, this has got to be the best NY Times parody we've seen yet: The Galactic Empire Times did a meticulous spoof of the Times' article on the killing of Osama bin Laden: “The death of [Obi-Wan] Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us."
All of the details in the Galactic piece mimic the Times to unnervingly close detail. Take for example, this graf from the Times:
In addition to Bin Laden, three men were killed during the 40-minute raid, one believed to be his son and the other two his couriers, according to an American official who briefed reporters under White House ground rules forbidding further identification. A woman was killed when she was used as a shield by a male combatant, the official said, and two others wounded.
“No Americans were harmed,” Mr. Obama said. “They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.” Muslim tradition requires burial within 24 hours, but by doing it at sea, American authorities presumably were trying to avoid creating a shrine for his followers.
And compare with the Galactic Times:
In addition to Kenobi, two men and one wookiee were killed, one believed to be his young apprentice and the other two his couriers, according to an admiral who briefed reporters under Imperial ground rules forbidding further identification. A woman was killed when she was used as a shield by a male combatant, the Admiral said. Two droids were also reported missing.
“No Stormtroopers were seriously harmed,” Lord Vader said. “They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, I defeated my former master and took custody of his body.” Jedi tradition requires burial within 24 hours, but by doing it in deep space, Imperial authorities presumably were trying to avoid creating a shrine for his followers.
As The Atlantic points out, the layout of the fake Galactic Empire Times is nearly indistinguishable from the New York Times. Some of the best of the multiple sidebars include: "VIDEO: TimesCast | Reconsidering the Ewoks," "Op-Ed Columnist: I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing," and "News Analysis: Lord Vader’s Vow Fulfilled ("This is the end for you, my former master.")."
They even mimic the comments: user Jedi4Lyfe asks pointedly, "Why won't Lord Vader show us the body?!" Commenter nubian wants to know why Vader is getting all the credit: "Let's be CLEAR this is not a VADER victory but a victory of our boys in white, not to mention the leadership of Lord Tyrannus the Count Dooku who started the manhunt in the first place." And ilovebanthas is most concerned about what comes next: "now that obi-wan is dead we need to get rid of this anti-rebellion legislation, it's infringing on the rights of every imperial citizen out there, not only that but vader has left the economy in a sorry state with the construction of this so called 'death star'."
Tagged
lord vader
ny times
obi-wan kenobi
parody
star wars
Ben Yakas
Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.
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