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De Blasio & Cuomo's Unanswered Emails To Jeff Bezos
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Oct 20, 2017
Modified Oct 31, 2018
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Oct 20, 2017
Modified Oct 31, 2018
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On Thursday, New York State submitted four entries to host Amazon's second headquarters, a campus that the company says will cost $5 billion to build, and will create as many as 50,000 jobs. Both Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo have done their part to help one of the world's richest companies know that New York is ready to be capitalized, but could they have done more? Gothamist has obtained emails from both chief executives to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos that reveal an even more feverish campaign behind the scenes. [Editor's note: These emails are technically imaginary until proven otherwise.]
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Mayor Bill de Blasio
Date: 9/7/17 at 12:42 p.m.
Subject: From the Mayor of NYC to the Mayor of Amazon
Hey Jeff,
I'm writing to ask you to seriously consider New York City as the home for Amazon's new headquarters. The Big Apple's pool of talent is well-educated, diverse, and bottomless.
Also, if you've ever taken the subway at rush hour (I don't recommend it) you'll notice the almost mechanical way a disturbing mass of humanity trudges in and out of the tiled tunnels, their arms crooked at 90-degree angles holding coffee and phones, the uncanny manner in which the hive knows where to turn, lockstep, towards the light, without ever being able to see a few feet in front of them.
Seems like a good place to test out that robot stuff you’re planning!
Let's set up a meeting?
-Bill
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Governor Andrew M. Cuomo
Date: 9/7/17 at 12:57 p.m.
Subject: GOVERNOR ANDREW M. CUOMO INTRODUCES HIMSELF TO JEFF BEZOS AND INVITES HIM TO TASTE THE BEST THE EMPIRE STATE HAS TO OFFER
Jeff,
What's Excelsior?
(Our State motto, "Excelsior," means "Ever Upward," so instead of saying "What's up?" I sometimes like to employ the motto.)
I know a big concern for you is how these 50,000 employees at Amazon’s HQ2 are going to stay strong, to have the energy to build the products and ideas for tomorrow. Did you know that New York State is the fourth leading producer of milk in the country, and one of the biggest producers of yogurt? Yes Jeff, believe it. I can ensure you that your workers will have some of the strongest bones in the world, eating and drinking New York dairy. Plus I read somewhere that you want to do some bone-harvesting thing???
We also produce some delicious cider. Let me pour you a glass and convince you that New York "hearts" Amazon.
Andrew
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Mayor Bill de Blasio
Date: 9/15/17 at 3:47 p.m.
Subject: Where do YOU see HQ2 in NYC?
Was sitting around with my staff and we started spitballing possible locations for your new headquarters here in New York.
A short list:
-Governors Island
-Rikers Island (hear me out)
-Empire State Bldg
-Central Park Reservoir (it’s extremely deep--Atlantis?)
-Anywhere you want just throw out the name of a place
One more thing: while I personally prefer to buy things in physical storefronts so that I can test the khaki cargo shorts pockets before I purchase them, I deeply respect Amazon’s mission to close that store and instead let me order what I want to order, and if I don’t like it, send it back on a truck (or series of trucks) again and again until I eventually receive the thing I want.
-Bill
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Governor Andrew M. Cuomo
Date: 9/18/17 at 8:22 a.m.
Subject: GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO AGAIN EMAILS AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS TO RENEW AND STRENGTHEN COMMITMENT TO CREATING HIGH-PAYING, HIGH TECH JOBS IN THE EMPIRE STATE
Jeff--
I have directed the State Police to confiscate all DVD and Blu-ray copies of 2002’s smash romantic comedy Maid in Manhattan and replace the title with Made In Manhattan: An Amazon Tale. Thanks to connections forged in New York’s vibrant film industry, copies of this movie distributed in the future--including video on demand and streaming services--will feature an updated plot set in 2020, in which Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes both get jobs at Amazon’s new HQ2.
In addition, the state’s bond ratings have never been stronger.
I hope this shows you the level of our commitment to hosting your company here in New York.
Also, if you ever find yourself in the city and need a place to stay, I think you’ll find the accommodations at the world famous Gracie Mansion, which is currently unoccupied, to be most comfortable.
From one job creator to another,
Andy
P.S. I heard that the mayor’s office might have suggested that Amazon could locate HQ2 on Governors Island. The island is unavailable because as the name implies, it is mine.
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Governor Andrew M. Cuomo
Date: 9/19/17 at 11:28 p.m.
Subject: Fw: fw: BEST Muscle cars burnouts ( PURE SOUND ) Hot
just thought this shit was cool. check it out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM9UNL5FuwM
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Mayor Bill de Blasio
Date: 9/29/17 at 11:22 a.m.
Subject: crazy idea! (please respond)
Jeff I know you’re a busy man, but here’s an idea: what if I Amazon Prime’d myself to you? That way, we could have a face-to-face meeting without you having to travel to New York, plus I’d be able to experience your world class, next-day delivery service firsthand.
My staff has determined that I can curl up into a 36 x 36 x 36 cardboard box and survive for at least 48 hours with minimal food and water.
The best part? We got the box on Amazon! (Also got some of these diapers—that’s a long trip in a small box.)
Can you tell me where I should address myself to? :)
-Bill
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Governor Andrew M. Cuomo
Date: 9/30/17 at 10:06 a.m.
Subject: GOVERNOR ANDREW M. CUOMO POLITELY REMINDS JEFF BEZOS OF THE POWER OF THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH IN THE COUNTRY’S FOURTH MOST POPULOUS STATE
How’s it hanging Jeff?
I just wanted to invite you to view the demolition of the old Kosciuszko Bridge tomorrow morning. The bridge was built in 1938, and was considered quite innovative and speedy at the time. But over the years, it degraded, lost its luster. It became vulnerable, Jeff. So I built a new Kosciuszko Bridge, and will now destroy this old one.
Creating, destroying, it’s all part of my job. I much rather prefer to create, but when the time comes to protect the interests of the state and all New Yorkers, I do not flinch. I throw myself at the task and do not stop until the threat is utterly annihilated.
Light refreshments will be served. Hope you can join us.
Andrew
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Mayor Bill de Blasio
Date: 10/10/17 at 2:55 p.m.
Subject: ok ok what about
I know that we’re also talking about billions of dollars in subsidies, but I was just thinking: what if we turned all the lights in NYC “Amazon Orange” next week? Wouldn’t that be pretty cool?
To: Jeff Bezos
From: Governor Andrew M. Cuomo
Date: 10/10/17 at 6:42 p.m.
Subject: GOVERNOR ANDREW M. CUOMO PITCHES YET ANOTHER ORIGINAL IDEA FOR AMAZON
Just got back from a long drive to clear my head and had an idea: what if we turned all the lights in NYC “Amazon Orange” next week? Wouldn’t that be pretty cool?
Tagged
amazon
andrew cuomo
bill de blasio
corporate welfare
i wanna hear you bark like a dog go on bark doggy bark
parody
satire
original
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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