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Trump Sticks The 9/11 Knife In Real Deep To Defend NYC
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Jan 15, 2016
Modified Jan 15, 2016
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Jan 15, 2016
Modified Jan 15, 2016
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Last night while the entire population of New York City was snorting drugs and overpaying for small portions of delicious food, the Republican presidential candidates denigrated our way of life, as if they’ve never paid a guy in Hell’s Kitchen $47 dollars (all I got is singles, sorry) to rub their genitals on a recently harvested human liver.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who must defeat Donald Trump in order to become the king of Rage Mountain, was asked by the FOX News moderator what he meant when he said that Trump was an embodiment of “New York values” and thus ill-suited to lead the United States.
“I think most people know exactly what New York values are,” Cruz said. “You’re from New York so you might not, but I promise you in the state of South Carolina, they do,” Cruz said, as the Charleston crowd lustily fired muskets into the air and threw tobacco-stained dentures onto the stage.
“Everyone understands that the values in New York City are socially liberal or pro-abortion or pro-gay marriage, focus around money and the media,” Cruz continued. “I guess I can frame it another way: Not a lot of conservatives come out of Manhattan. I’m just sayin.”
Like a New Yorker extracting their fist at the first whisper of a safe word, Donald Trump sprung into action.
“New York is a great place. It’s got great people. It’s got loving people, wonderful people,” Trump began. “When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on Earth could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York.”
Yes, Donald Trump played the 9/11 card. But this time it came across as nuanced, thoughtful, even human. Only in New York.
Thousands of people killed and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup probably in the history of doing this, in construction. I was down there. And I’ve never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death and even the smell of death; nobody understood it. And it was with us for months: the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched, and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers, and I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made.
And it's true! Trump was there, as this interview with a German TV station shows. (Stick around to the end to see him SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE THAT ISN'T AMERICAN.)
That's Ameritude. Trump's eloquence was such that Mayor de Blasio offered this statement in support of the candidate.
"I find myself, for once, in agreement with Donald Trump," de Blasio said. "I think it was right for Donald Trump to defend New York City, and to talk about the heroic actions of the people of this city after 9/11."
Donald Trump: racist, ruthless, New Yorker.
Tagged
#newyorkvalues is a hashtag that will go away soon enough patience my child
donald trump
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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