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NYC Is Only The Sixth Most Unfriendly City In The World, We Can Do Better
By
Lauren Evans
Published Sep 2, 2015
Modified Sep 4, 2015
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By
Lauren Evans
Published Sep 2, 2015
Modified Sep 4, 2015
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Travel + Leisure has again assembled its probably B.S. list of "The Most Unfriendly Cities in The World," and NYC is logged at a highly disappointing #6. Is this an oversight or an error in methodology? In either case, we need to rectify it immediately.
The magazine claims to have mined "tens of thousands of World’s Best Awards surveys," which presumably means "gave a drunk intern some darts to toss at a world map." How else could NYC have ranked #1 in May's "15 Unfriendliest Cities in America" list, only to fall behind fucking Los Angeles (#5) on the world scale?! Los Angeles barely even cracked the top 10 on the country-wide ranking. I'm so mad, I'm going to go outside and punch a tourist. Do you hear me Travel + Leisure? Find me a single Angeleno with such a stalwart commitment to senseless fury. I dare you.
Our fate at #6 is sealed for this year, so take a second and let your rage abate. Scream at a cyclist or clip your nails on the subway—whatever it takes to get you back to normal. We good? Good. Now, let's focus on some areas to improve upon for next year.
One voter told T+L that New Yorkers are "not exactly the kindest to strangers." Another claims that "New York has everything—just don’t ask a person in the street to help you find it.” In the years I've lived here, I am disappointed to report that though New Yorkers do dispense with time-wasting pleasantries, someone will invariably help you out of a jam when you need it. This behavior has to stop. Is a fellow straphanger furrowing their brow at the subway map, finger to lip in a gesture of clear confusion? Don't ask where they are trying to go like some bumbling Ohio hayseed. You are a New Yorker, and you don't have time for incompetence. Push the offending party out of the way, and cover the map in an opaque substance—spray paint or blood are both fine. Smile viciously, and walk away.
Here are a few more suggestions to secure next year's eminence:
1. When you see someone looking at a map, approach him or her and tear the map in half. For added flourish, consider urinating on the scraps.
2. Take up no fewer than three subway seats and refuse to move, especially when asked by a pregnant woman.
3. Walk extremely quickly in crowded, impossible-to-move places. Body-check as many men, women and children as you can while maintaining top speed.
4. When you bump into someone, don't say "excuse me"—just keep muttering to yourself about the Knicks.
5. "A good slice of pizza? Hmmm...well there's a Dominos right up the street? I don't know, maybe try Boston?"
Follow this advice, and 2016 will certainly find us secure in our rightful place, at #2. Because #1 is Moscow, and well...we'll never be that bad.
Tagged
most unfriendly cities in the world
rankings
travel + leisure
Lauren Evans
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