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Montauk Residents Are Gathering A Posse To Battle Fornicating Yupster Bros
By
Ben Yakas
Published Aug 5, 2015
Modified Aug 5, 2015
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Scott Lynch/Gothamist
By
Ben Yakas
Published Aug 5, 2015
Modified Aug 5, 2015
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The embattled hamlet known as Montauk has been overrun this summer with drunken yupster bro human beings dead set on nakedly cavorting outside every sleepy tackle shop in sight. The local police have been cracking down on these interlopers, with over 550 violations issued since July 4th. But there's only so much that small force can do on their own—so local residents are trying to drum up manpower to take the law into their own hands.
Longtime resident Tom Bogdan has started Montauk United, an effort to get 1,000 warriors to join in the battle for the soul of Montauk. Bogdan, a retired businessman who has lived there for over 45 years, told Newsday that at least 221 people have signed up to join the posse since Thursday, when he made the initial announcement in The East Hampton Star. "There's strength in numbers," he said. "Right now the season's coming to an end, but we're organizing right now. We're very unhappy with the way things have turned out in Montauk. It has changed from a middle-class resort town to a party town."
Here is the first part of the group's objective/mantra:
To support and assist the East Hampton Town Board in their greatly appreciated recent, and hoped for continuous, efforts in dealing with the specific social problems that are currently affecting the well being of the community. Problems such as public drunkenness, crime, outrageously bad behavior and generally intolerable mayhem that has been foisted on our community through greed, indifference and the contempt and abuse of the legal and moral values that are Montauk's social foundation.
The next part is even weirder:
Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
J/K, Montauk United is not actually a Game of Thrones LARPing group, nor is it an attempt at organizing a local para-military force to hose down nubile miscreants. It is merely "a non-partisan, apolitical citizen action group dedicated to the supposition that strength and power can be obtained for Montauk residents through uniting as one." In other words, Bogdan wants to get 1,000 people to bug the local government all at once to rid the town of all youthful indiscretions, better to focus on serious problems, like the sensitive drunks who have long bedeviled the town.
Tagged
bros
east hampton
glorious battle
hipsters
Montauk
partying
Ben Yakas
Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.
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