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About My Peep Show Arrest
By
John Del Signore
Published Feb 20, 2015
Modified Feb 20, 2015
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Courtesy Rich Docherty
By
John Del Signore
Published Feb 20, 2015
Modified Feb 20, 2015
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Officers, please hear me out—it's ACTUALLY a bit of a funny story! No, I don't think it's necessary to handcuff me, but all right. Ha ha, no—I am not "into that," as you say. But once you hear the explanation I am confident we'll share a laugh and go our separate ways, both parties unshackled by manacles AND misconceptions. Yes, I am "getting to the point," if only you'll let me.
So there I was strolling along 8th Avenue on this fine February afternoon, enjoying the bracing winter air, when I paused to remove a dollar from my billfold for a poor urchin begging outside this, what is it called, "ADULT PEEP SHOW"? I thought the child was an innocent Christian in need, but... No, I suppose the religion is irrelevant. Well, yes of course I am speculating—we did not have time for a theological discussion, because the little rapscallion snatched my wallet and scurried off inside this den of iniquity!
Of course I gave chase—and I'm sure a rather farcical scene unfolded therein, with the little scamp leading me on quite the mad dash through the adult video department, over and under the butt plug shelves and finally back to the peep show booths or whatever they're called. It wasn't until I escaped the manager's anal bead lasso that I finally wrested the billfold from the thief's filthy hands, only to see it fall to the floor and slide irrevocably under the door to one of the booths.
And yes, that IS where you found me, regrettably, on my hands and knees "groping," as you put it, into the booth. But I was most certainly not attempting to make physical contact with or fondle anyone inside! Any touching was incidental! As I tried to explain earlier, I was merely trying to recover my wallet, an undeniably important task which you officers so rudely interrupted!
And now the perpetrator is at large, and who knows where my wallet has gotten off to! Now I don't know if that little wretch has some arrangement worked out with the proprietors of this Peep Show, and I am not trying to tell you how to do your jobs, but... Oh, you say the wallet is in my pocket? Well... Now we really DO have a mystery on our hands!
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John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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