Gothamist
A non-profit newsroom, powered by WNYC.
Gothamist
Listen Live
News
Ask A Native New Yorker: Who Deserves to Be Shamed On The Subway?
By
Gothamist Staff
Published Jan 30, 2015
Modified Jan 30, 2015
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
Never miss a story
Email address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .
By
Gothamist Staff
Published Jan 30, 2015
Modified Jan 30, 2015
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
We rely on your support to make local news available to all
Make your contribution now and help Gothamist thrive in 2026. Donate today
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Are you relatively new to this bustling metropolis? Don't be shy about it, everyone was new to New York once upon a time, except, of course, those battle-hardened residents who've lived here their whole lives and Know It All. One of these lifers works among us at Gothamist—publisher Jake Dobkin grew up in Park Slope and still resides there. He is now fielding questions—ask him anything by sending an email here, but be advised that Dobkin is "not sure you guys will be able to handle my realness." We can keep you anonymous if you prefer; just let us know what neighborhood you live in.
This week's question comes from a commuter who feels conflicted about shaming subway etiquette violators on the Internet.
Dear Native New Yorker,
This morning I was really hung over after a long night of drinking, and when I got on the F, there was a lady sitting at one of the two-seaters at the end of the car. She was taking up both seats, with a pocket book, one of those Channel 13-style tote bags white girls are always carrying, and a small dog wearing a sweater, which was sitting directly on the seat (not in carrier).
The train was pretty empty, because it was a little before rush hour, so I was able to get a seat across the aisle, directly across from her. I considered taking a picture of her, because I thought the whole dog-bag-lady-spreading thing was rude, but the entire ride to work, the train was empty enough so everyone who got on was able to get a seat, so it's not like she was really depriving anyone of a seat—her rudeness was more hypothetical.
So I just kind of gave her a nasty look when I got off the train, but didn't take a picture to shame her with on a popular internet blog site like Gothamist. Was I right to spare her the wrath of the Internet?
Sincerely,
Sally Straphanger
A young Jake Dobkin enjoys an expensive cocktail while silently judging you. (Courtesy Private Jake Dobkin Collection)
A native New Yorker responds:
Dear Sally,
Pix or GTFO, my friend! I mean, the dog was in a sweater! That would have been blog post gold. Do you know how many sweet, sweet pageviews my professional content-workers could have squeezed out of that here at the ol' Outrage Factory? Thousands—tens of thousands, maybe! Now they'll have to use that time to write another snoozefest about Albany corruption or the pernicious effects of gentrification or something. Think about them!
But that's just my selfishness and lust for virality talking. From a moral perspective, you did the right thing. Blog-shaming should be limited to true offenses against human decency—depriving the handicapped or elderly of seats, exposing your private parts to other commuters, or pooping on things. If a dog sits on a seat that nobody wanted, who has been harmed? I say let the person who has not manspread on an empty subway car throw the first stone. Thus, Rule #1: do not shame someone unless they are really inconveniencing others.
As long as that dog's butt was clean. If it wasn't, all bets are off and that dog owner is going to hell. Although in an average day every subway seat is probably contaminated with worse filth, we've got to draw the line somewhere, and the place to draw that line is at human filth. Our bedbugs and lice and bodily fluids are bad enough—I don't want to worry about one of those viruses jumping between animal and human hosts and mutating and killing us all, because that's exactly what's going to happen.
But back to the topic at hand. Here at Gothamist, we often receive pictures of what appear to be homeless people sleeping on subway cars, with a note to the effect of "look at this guy taking up 4 seats!" We do not publish them, and you should be smart enough not to take them, but if you're not, remember Rule #2: no punching down. Shaming the homeless, the mentally ill, children, or others of similarly limited capacities is wrong in almost all instances. Exceptions include the aforementioned lewd exposure cases and really exceptional weirdness, like building a Hooverville on the G-train, but these are rare.
But let's say the person seems to be in their right mind, and is still making a nuisance of themselves. Before you take your picture, consider Rule #3: if their offense is correctable, they must be given the opportunity to correct it. Some behaviors can not be fixed: if you've brought a Christmas Tree on the subway, or a Lay-Z-Boy recliner, or are eating a big bowl of Pad Thai, it's already too late. But a little dog can be put back in its carrier, or your feet can be removed from the seat where they are temporarily residing, and a person should have the opportunity to do the right thing before they see their image splashed all over the Internet and get their reputations fed to the rapacious dogs down in the comment section.
If everyone could just follow these rules, I think you'll see that the quality of the Gothamist subway outrage-porn posts will really increase this year, and we'll find new and unexpected kinds of offensive behavior that were previously getting drowned out in routine manspreading posts. Let's take this special journey together!
N.B.: These rules go out the window if the person being rude is a celebrity. If you see Tom Hanks or Jake Gyllenhaal or whoever taking up two seats, you TAKE that picture, no matter what the hour or how many people you have to knock out of the way to get it. With great power, wealth, or fame comes great responsibility. Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs, and take them down.
Ask a Native New Yorker anything by emailing our tips hotline.
Tagged
ask a native new yorker
subway
subway etiquette
original
Gothamist Staff
Read more
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
MORE news
Forest Hills Stadium can keep its concerts under deal with neighbors
Neighbors had complained of traffic and loud concerts for years.
By
Ryan Kost
Published Oct 22, 2026
NYC Council to grill Mamdani officials on collapsed Hunts Point Produce Market deal
Council Speaker Julie Menin called the $650 million plan "mission critical."
By
Elizabeth Kim
News
NYC Council to grill Mamdani officials on collapsed Hunts Point Produce Market deal
Council Speaker Julie Menin called the $650 million plan "mission critical."
By
Elizabeth Kim
NYPD arrests 17-year-old in fatal Midtown subway platform shooting
By
Charles Lane
Ex-Adams aide accused of pocketing kickbacks from community program funds
By
Samantha Max
MTA to begin 6-year project to upgrade signal tech on A and C lines in Brooklyn and Queens
By
Ramsey Khalifeh
Never miss a story
Catch up on the most important headlines with a roundup of essential NYC stories, delivered to your inbox daily.
Sign upEmail address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .