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Video: This Homeless Millennial Gets Laid More Than You
By
Lauren Evans
Published Sep 15, 2014
Modified Sep 16, 2014
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By
Lauren Evans
Published Sep 15, 2014
Modified Sep 16, 2014
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"Since there's 8 million people in this city, if you're not getting laid you're a fucking asshole." Take it from Joe: He hasn't let being homeless keep him from going to the bone zone with three to four different women each week. Do his daybreak Four Lokos (2) give off some sort of Red 40 drenched pheromones?
"It's not like I forgot how to get pussy just because I became fucking homeless," he intones right before we watch him accost a woman on the street, complimenting her shorts and insisting he give him her name. Her shorts? No way, that would never work on any—wait what? NO. NONONONONONO ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? Let's watch in disbelief as he sidles up to his next conquest, who is seated on a park bench minding her own damn business. Before we know it, they're forehead to forehead, and then she's spiriting him away to her apartment.
But all of this is fine. If we randomly polled a handful of NYC women on whether sleeping on the street is an automatic dealbreaker, a surprising number would ask some follow up questions or at least give it some thought before dismissing the idea outright.
Still, it goes without saying that every aspect of the video is almost flawlessly abhorrent, from the the shot of him dousing himself in Axe Body Spray in a Duane Reade to the Elite Daily interviewer, whose slack-jawed Bobby Briggs mien is maybe the only thing more obnoxious than the time Joe referred to himself as a "Cardboard All-Star."
You got to hand it Joe, though. He may be stunningly guileless, but he certainly doesn't put on airs. "I just want the worst vodka possible," he explains to a clerk at a liquor store. "I'm mixing it with Gatorade so it doesn't really matter."
Toward the end, Joe begins to wax philosophic. "Life's all about karma, he says. "I figure I do the right thing, and the universe reciprocates."
Still, when Bobby asks Joe what he would tell the youth of America, Joe is quick to dispel the idea that his boozy Lothario lifestyle should be aspired to. "Never become like me," he says. "Ever."
Tagged
homelessness
millennials
Lauren Evans
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