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New Yorkers Are Raising Their Babies In Bathrooms, Closets
By
Lauren Evans
Published Apr 28, 2014
Modified Apr 28, 2014
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By
Lauren Evans
Published Apr 28, 2014
Modified Apr 28, 2014
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One of the most enjoyable parts of living in New York is scorning those who leave—"Oh, you wanted a backyard? Oh, you miss the fresh air? Oh, you had a baby? Well I guess that's your decision," you scoff. "I just can't imagine living anywhere else." You both gaze across the street, where one man has just shoved another into a pile of trash.
If decamping to Long Island or New Jersey or northeast Queens makes you a quitter, then what about those who defy logic and opt to cling to their posh uptown lives? It's one thing to subject yourself to the pains of a shared studio apartment, strategically placing your refrigerator in your bedroom or converting the space under your sink into a home office, but it's quite another to raise a child in such conditions. But rather than admitting defeat and "moving for the kids," some New Yorkers are stubbornly staying put in their cramped luxury hovels, opting instead to raise their children in their bathrooms or closets, DNAinfo reports.
Some examples are less egregious than others. One blogger admitted to using the bathroom to stow her baby—oh, but it's the second bathroom. "We gave Anton his very own room...our second bathroom!" wrote Joanna Goddard on her blog, explaining that during the day, her son Anton is allowed to join his older brother in the nursery. "But for naps and bedtime, he cuddles up in his travel crib in the bathroom. We put a pillow between the crib and the toilet and plug in our trusty noise machine," she writes.
This isn't odd—odd would be sacrificing an apartment with two bathrooms to move to West Orange. Hell, why not rent out that second bathroom to a grad student—no normal-sized baby needs that sort of floor space, and plus, free nanny! Then there's this commenter, who crossed the narrow threshold from "odd" to "deranged" with this admission: "We have stopped using the bathroom since the baby began to sleep there- no using the toilet, no showering. We don't even brush our teeth there any longer." Oh.
Another Upper West Side parent converted her closet into a nursery. Perhaps by way of rationalization, she refers to the process of decorating the space (closet) as "an exciting little challenge."
"I could hang photos, bring in a little side table, stack his favorite books just so," she wrote.
Life for Bathroom Babies might become strange as they hit puberty (No we can't go to my house to make out, no, just trust me), but then again, other city kids will certainly suffer similarly cramped upbringings. Imagine the group therapy sessions: "I love my boyfriend, but I'd rather sleep in the bathtub. I understand. I only reach REM sleep when I can feel the coat hangers brushing my face."
None of the bloggers offered a time frame for when children should be entitled to their own rooms (that they do not share with stacks of clothes or a toilet), so the assumption is college. Which they will attend in New York, where they will finally have some real problems.
Tagged
child-rearing
real estate
Lauren Evans
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