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Ask A Native New Yorker: Should I Make My Kid Go To College In NYC?

Gothamist Staff

Published Apr 25, 2014

Modified May 2, 2014

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Gothamist Staff

Published Apr 25, 2014

Modified May 2, 2014

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Are you relatively new to this bustling metropolis? Don't be shy about it, everyone was new to New York once upon a time... except, of course, those battle-hardened residents who've lived here their whole lives and Know It All. One of these lifers works among us at Gothamist—publisher Jake Dobkin grew up in Park Slope and still resides there. He is now fielding questions—ask him anything by sending an email here, but be advised that Dobkin is "not sure you guys will be able to handle my realness." We can keep you anonymous if you prefer; just let us know what neighborhood you live in.

This week's question comes from a New Yorker who is agonizing over whether he should let his son attend college outside of New York City limits.

Dear Comrade,

I'm a fellow Park Slope guy from way back, and I have a problem. My kid is applying to colleges, and so the wife is forcing me to drive all over the Northeast on these college tours—not a fun way to spend a weekend! Anyway, I'm trying to convince him to apply to the New York schools, like his old man—I did time at NYU and Columbia. But you know kids these days; he's got this idea that he needs to see the world (or at least, Middletown, CT, where they've got some school called "Wesleyan" and apparently nothing else). How do I convince him to stay here for college?

Sincerely,
Fellow Traveller

A Native New Yorker responds:

Dear Fellow Traveller,

Your problem is you're letting a 16 year old kid make a decision he's unqualified to make. Teenagers are great at lots of things: sexting, smoking oregano, discovering new sexting apps, whining about getting grounded for sexting, etc. But they're completely unqualified to decide where they should attend college, which involves weighing a variety of complex factors, including the amount of financial aid, the strength of academic programs, and the cultural fit.

I know that the Park Slope "free range kid" ethos dictates that Sebastian is allowed to apply and attend whatever school he wants, no matter how far away or weird (Oberlin, for instance—or, God forbid, Evergreen). This often leads to bad outcomes: unhappy kids, transferring, rehab bills. To avoid that, you need to do what parents have been doing from time immemorial, which is set some reasonable limits, like only allowing your kid to apply to schools within the five boroughs of NYC.

A young Jake Dobkin relaxes in a college branded T-shirt. (Courtesy Private Jake Dobkin Collection)

Obviously, if your precious child has a serious interest in a field of study which is not offered by one of our dozens of fine institutions of higher education (deep sea oceanography? the management of mines and fisheries?) you may have to expand the allowed radius a bit‚ say to include schools in North Jersey or Westchester. But 99% of these post-millennials are going to be studying business, iPhone programming, or some other common pre-professional track, and you can get that at almost any accredited school.

You might make another exception if he's been offered a full-ride scholarship somewhere, but in our era of exploding student debt, it seems that very few kids are. And since you're the one who will be paying off those student loan bills for the next ten years, while he works on his Kickstarter film while pulling shifts at Cafe Grumpy, I say your opinion is the one that matters here.

My own experience may be illustrative. Back in the '90s, NYC public school kids were allowed to apply to up to 7 schools (SUNY counted as one, but you could apply to multiple campuses). I didn't apply to a single school in the city, probably because "college guidance" consisted of a 10-minute meeting with a counselor who reminded you to apply to at least one safety, and my parents were too busy with the revolution to consider offering any advice.

One April afternoon I came home to discover I'd been rejected everywhere except Dartmouth and Binghamton, both of which I would quickly discover that I didn't want to attend (frat boys, 3 hour bus ride). Sure, this was my fault, but I was 17; an age one doesn't normally associate with visionary planning for the future. Had my parents, or anyone else, taken a few minutes to explain to me that I was the kind of NYC kid who got homesick anywhere north of the Bronx, I'd have listened, and if they'd said that I could only apply to schools that I could get to on the subway, I would have thought to apply to Columbia, where I eventually ended up.

The key to a happy college experience is avoiding/surviving an overdose on drugs or alcohol, meeting some interesting people, and acquiring skills for a job. Having friends and family nearby has a way of keeping a kid grounded, and away from the worst of excesses of college life. Likewise, knowing his way around the city will give him a leg up on all the newcomers arriving in NYC for the first time: in the land of the blind, the man who knows how to get to Bushwick on the M train is king. And finally, when it comes time to graduate and look for a job, he can hit up his local network for help, along with all the new connections he made at school—that's going to make things a lot easier than applying to jobs from a college town in the middle of nowhere.

So tell him if it's on your dime, he'll be staying here for another four years. He might bitch and moan now, but eventually he'll thank you. And if he's really focused on leaving town you can probably buy him off with a semester abroad in Europe. But say I'm wrong: remind him that he can always go to graduate school at the Iowa Writers Workshop or wherever when he's 23 (and pay for it himself). By then he'll be such a die-hard New Yorker that you know he'll come crawling back, probably after three months, when he goes insane from the boredom.

N.B.: If I was applying to school today, my top choice would be CUNY's Macaulay Honors College; that's an affordable, high-achieving option we didn't have back in 1994, and a wonderful way to avoid graduating from NYU with $200K in debt.

Ask a Native New Yorker anything by emailing our tips hotline.

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Gothamist Staff

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