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<em>Game Of Thrones</em> Power Rankings: The Lion And The Rose

Ben Yakas

Published Apr 13, 2014

Modified Apr 14, 2014

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Ben Yakas

Published Apr 13, 2014

Modified Apr 14, 2014

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Last week on Game of Thrones, Tyrion met the Red Viper, Jamie got a new sword, and Cersei drank some wine. This week, Ramsay got a shave, Bran got a vision, and Joffrey got married. GOT is all about how people jockey for power, so click through for our season 4 Game of Thrones Power Rankings.

The Joffrey Baratheon Good Riddance Award: Before we get to the rankings: were you shocked that GOT decided to stage the Purple Wedding—the kind of seismic game-changing shift that would normally occupy in the penultimate ninth episode of the season—in episode two?! Book readers knew this was coming (and if they paid close attention to the fact George R.R. Martin wrote this episode, they probably could have figured it out before the season even began), but for everyone else, it's only been three episodes since the Red Wedding annihilated the Starks and launched a thousand reaction videos.

But unlike the Starks, everyone actively wanted to see Joffrey die. While some of us may have imagined Arya enacting revenge in a few seasons, or perhaps Ramsay Snow gleefully torturing him, Joffrey got to go out on top of his game, doing what he did best: finding new ways to be cruel to Sansa and Tyrion.

"There's been too much amusement today," he says at the wedding celebration before bringing out a group of little people to re-enact the War of Five Kings, both humiliating Tyrion and basking in Sansa's misery. Hurting both of his favorite targets at the same time while consolidating his power with the marriage to Margaery was, without a doubt, Joffrey's finest achievement. Or at least, it was his finest achievement in his incest-bred gold-tinged brain.

Joffrey was cartoonishly sadistic at times, but he always carried himself with a puniness that, combined with our knowledge of his heritage, made him seem vulnerable at all times. He was scrawny as a twig and generally communicated as if on the verge of a temper tantrum. We won't miss him, but something tells us we'd rather be dealing with the likes of him than the altogether more physical sadism of Ramsay Snow.

Anyway, farewell Joffrey.

Game Of Thrones Power Rankings, Week 2:

1. Tywin Lannister: "You ought to try enjoying something before you die, you might find it suits you." Except all work and no play makes Tywin...Tywin.

2. Roose Bolton: He may only be the Warden of The North, but he's got just as complicated and twisted a relationship with his bastard as Tywin does with his children.

3. Cersei Lannister: Our favorite wine aficionado in the Seven Kingdoms spent most of the episode bitching everyone out and basking in "small pleasures" as she found herself no longer Queen Regent, on the outside looking in at her son's wedding. But the fury she unleashes in the last minute of the episode doesn't bode well for the rest of King's Landing, especially Tyrion. At this point, nobody should even think about being remotely generous to poor people around her.

4. Queen of Thorns/Olenna Tyrell: Whether she was handling Tywin, dismissing her son, being sweet to Sansa, or basking in her favorite granddaughter's ascendence to the throne, the Queen Of Thorns was perfect: "As if more men needed a reason to avoid marriage."

5. Margaery Tyrell: Well, is she technically still queen if her king is dead? As disappointing as she must be by the untimely death of her husband, considering the dead-eyed stare she carries throughout the whole wedding celebration, she must at least be a tiny bit relieved.

6. Jamie Lannister: Jamie got to be a tad less miserable than last week, bonding with Tyrion, training with Bronn, and goofily scaring off Ser Loras. But the best part was the mortified look on his face when he saw Cersei and Brienne speaking.

7. Red Viper/Prince Oberyn Martell: We didn't get to spend too much time with the Red Viper this week, but he showed he could hold his own with Tywin and Cersei: "Wearing the crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked."

8. Stannis Baratheon: He's still being pissy with Ser Davos. But wouldn't you be pissy if you had to have dinner with your evangelical wife and witchy mistress every night?

9. Melisandre: The night is still dark, still full of terrors, and bodies are still being burned in honor of The Lord Of Light. As she tells Shireen, "There's only one hell princess: the one we live in now."

10. Ramsay Snow: Our least favorite Bolton scion is back just in time to take over the coveted position of most psychopathic character on the show. And look at that: all he really wants is his daddy's approval.

11. Sansa Stark/Lannister: ...all in all, a pretty good episode for her!

12. Brienne of Tarth: Even in the face of Cersei and Joffrey's shittiness, she holds her own. However, falling in love never leads to anything good in Westeros.

13. Bran Stark: Did you notice that Bran's visions of the Iron Throne covered in snow were similar to the ones Dany had while hallucinating in the House of the Undying toward the end of season 2? HMMM.

Also, now that the Boltons are looking for him, we're a little nervous.

14. Tyrion Lannister: Welp, this was a rough one for our favorite Lannister. We can't imagine anything good happening for him in the immediate future now that Cersei's focused all her rage upon him.

There are tough times ahead. Let's remember some happier days.

15. Ser Loras: As Jamie put it, "If you were to marry Cersei, she'd murder you in your sleep. If you somehow managed to put a child in her first, she'd murder him too, long before he drew his first breath."

The Viserys Targeryen Memorial Least Powerful Person Of The Week Award: Once upon a time, Theon Greyjoy was an overeager brat and pseudo-sibling to the other Stark children. He was frustrating and way too cocky (in every sense of the word), and it was annoying watching him flit among the edges of the main story. But now he's Reek, a "pet rat" reduced to giving his torturer a clean shave. We'd rather have the annoying guy back.

The Hodor Is Hodoriffic Honorary Minor Character Of The Week Award:
It's always lovely seeing old friends like Ser Bronn and Varys ("No one weeps for spiders and whores"), but we'll give this one to Mace Tyrell, who we meet for the first time in the flesh. The Lord Oath Of Highgarden is just as roly-poly as we imagined, and his dopey smile at his mother's dismissal ("Not now Mace, Tywin and I are speaking!") is perfect.

Rickon Watch 2014: Is Rickon Still On This Show? Not as of this week! But remember that time brave Rickon gave Jon Snow some arrows? That was cool.

We'll never forget you Rickon.

The Remember Roz Sexposition Quotient: With the exception of one woman at the wedding ceremony performing some erotic acrobatics (this was not lost on The Red Viper and Ellaria Sand), it was a very boring week for sexposition fans.

Way Beyond The Wall: We didn't have any time to go to The Wall (Jon Snow, Samwell Tarly, Ygritte, Wildings) or across the Narrow Sea (Dany and co.), nor to check in with The Hound and Arya. Littlefinger hasn't been around in awhile, nor have the Brotherhood Without Banners. And at this point, we can barely remember what Mance Rayder looks like.

Next week, we deal with the fallout of the Purple Wedding and learn who our new king is. Until then, let's all imagine what GOT would be like if it were just an '80s sitcom focusing on Arya and The Hound.

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Ben Yakas

Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.

Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations

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