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A "Real" New Yorker's Solution To Citi Bike: Get A Car
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Apr 1, 2014
Modified Apr 1, 2014
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Apr 1, 2014
Modified Apr 1, 2014
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Let other less discerning media outlets waste your index finger's time with pedestrian, low-grade April Fools cycling trolling. Gothamist is committed to bringing you only the most potent, 100% authentic Bikelash Hooey, which is why we gave the man at the bodega our crumpled up $1 bill so you can bear witness to some choice opinions in today's New York Post. There's no copy & pasting in this re-blog!
The Post doesn't seem to publish its daily allotment of letters to the editor online, so you'll have to make do with this photograph.
(REAL PULP COPY OF NY POST MUST CREDIT GOTHAMIST.COM)
Gary Taustine from Manhattan begins his third published missive in the Post in nearly a year (et tu, Times?) by giving Mayor de Blasio "kudos" for refusing to fund Citi Bike with public money.
All winter, the Citi Bike docks sat virtually unused while congesting sidewalks, hobbling sanitation and occupying space better used by vehicles whose practicality doesn't evaporate during the winter and on rainy days.
"Virtually unused!" I'm not so sure about that Gary, and they don't prevent the Fire Department or garbage trucks or Delia Ephron from doing anything, but did you know that if you swipe a few of those little creamers from the diner you don't have to buy cream for a few days? It's a real time saver.
I apologize to the law-abiding cyclists out there, both of them, but most of your fellow cyclists refuse to even stop at a red light. The last thing we need is more of them. It's high time we rid our streets of all the bike-specific infrastructure introduced by former Mayor Mike Bloomberg, and relegate Citi Bike to the dustbin of history along with 8-tracks, AOL and Menudo.
Kudos to YOU, Gary. I just laughed so hard that I sneezed and blew the talcum powder I was applying to my swollen prostate all over my Man Cave. Wait, stop! Toomer! Don't lick it up! (Toomer is my iguana.)
Like the kid in class whose face you can't quite remember except for his super thin eyebrows, Paul Feiner from Greenburgh stands up and says something about putting bike racks on busses to save Citi Bike which is great except that Citi Bike is for short trips and bus trips are not short very good Paul you may sit down now.
Oliver Mosier from Astoria likes this conversation and would very much like to agree with something strongly.
Perhaps it's time to accept reality and come to terms with defeat. The Citi Bike program is somewhere between unmitigated disaster and total failure.
Your tone of detached erudition has intrigued me, Oliver. You must know a lot about this Citi Bike program, and have trenchant opinions rooted in empirical evidence.
It seems the bike-share system desperately needs millions of dollars. Where are they doing to get it? Not from me. Certain people are arguing that we must bail out the program because the situation is dire. I say, let them rot. Toss your bike and free up some of those parking spaces. And like a real New Yorker, get a car.
A city where everyone drives, where more cars means more available parking, where only rich cardiologists ride bikes. Yep, that's the Real New York.
Tagged
bike lanes
bikelash
citi bike
HEY WHADDYA SAY YOU LISTEN TO ME NOW SEE?
Informed Opinions
new york post
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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