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Super-Resistant "Super Lice" Coming For Your Super Scalp
By
Ben Yakas
Published Mar 14, 2014
Modified Mar 14, 2014
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By
Ben Yakas
Published Mar 14, 2014
Modified Mar 14, 2014
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Between the flu, measles, staph superbugs, gonorrhea superbugs, lizard heads, and KISS-loving vandals, we have more than enough to worry about this week. We really don't need anything more, thanks. Having said that, here's one more thing to worry about: a new strain of 'super lice' has made its way to our area.
According to CBS, the new strain of lice apparently has a stubborn resistance to traditional chemical treatments, and they're starting to show up in area schools. "Lice isn’t dangerous, but it is very, very contagious. And it can be very itchy and annoying for our patients," said Dr. Allison Driansky, of Cohen Children’s Hospital.
Super lice has already decimated our brothers and sisters up north: the strain constitutes 97.1% of Canadian head lice cases. It seems that the entire country has basically given up on fighting these blood-sucking overlords: “You will kill some lice, leaving the more resistant lice to breed and create more resistant lice," said J. Marshall Clark, the author of a recent study on the super lice.
But wait, wait, it gets worse: the invasion is over before we even realized it started. According to a study out of the University of Massachusetts, super lice rates in the US are currently standing at 99.6%. The only safe havens left in the country: "a remote Texas town and a Navajo Indian reservation." Guess we don't have the security clearance level to know exactly which Texas town has staved off the wingless beast.
So there's no hope, whether you already have it or not; soon we will all be lousy with lice. And there's absolutely no way to combat the creatures... except of course if you have access to tweezers and a comb. But dear god, then you'll need to find the time to pick them out one by one. We're already losing our ongoing war against time, and your roommate has been hogging the tweezers for months, and death is inevitable anyway, so why even bother.
On the bright side, at least we're not being invaded by bionic rats...yet.
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Ben Yakas
Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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