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How To Handle Spotting Someone You Know On The Subway
By
Jen Carlson
Published Feb 19, 2014
Modified Feb 19, 2014
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By
Jen Carlson
Published Feb 19, 2014
Modified Feb 19, 2014
Share
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Too late, Danny Castellano, you already locked eyes.
An inexplicable truth about New Yorkers is that they do not want to see you while riding the subway. Your roommate doesn't want to see you, your casual acquaintance doesn't want to see you, your priest doesn't want to see you, that guy you slept with two weeks ago certainly doesn't want to see you, your bartender doesn't want to see you, your mom doesn't want to see you, and most of all your coworker does not want to see you. Anyone you have ever spoken one word to in life would rather not run in to you on the subway.
Here's the general rule: the fewer words that have been exchanged between yourself and someone, the less you two will want to run into each other down there. On the other side of the spectrum, the only two who may be an exception to this rule are your crush (if you are looking good) and your best friend. Otherwise, you just want to stay in your own world, locked in to sweet solitude and not forced to uphold some sort of unspoken social contract.
It's not personal, it's just that we need this time packed into a crowded subway car to be alone, and we weren't expecting to see you here.
So what do you do when you lock eyes with someone you know and that feeling of dread burns through your socially awkward skin that you just want to escape right now? You've got options:
SMILE AND WAVE
This works great if the train is crowded, and you are the perfect, unnavigable distance away from each other. Smile, maybe give a little wave or nod, and shoulder shrug as if to say, "Man, if only we could get closer to each other, but obviously that is impossible so... whatareyougonnado?" This is trickier if the subway is emptier. You can assess the situation, and if they clearly don't want to be bothered anyway, you're in the clear. If the other party looks eager to talk to you, however, you need to make a quick game time decision and stand by it. We recommend you take your chances, smile, and get right back to the business of listening to your music or reading your month-old New Yorker.
STEER INTO THE SKID
Nice guy Chris Robbins says, "I usually engage first with a 'HEY!' especially if I don't remember their name, or if they're an acquaintance. Then something like 'Small town, huh?' If I actually know them kinda well, I like to sneak up on them and tap them on the shoulder, or something disarming because we are both disheveled or exhausted. I have not yet been punched in the face for doing this."
IGNORE
Chances are the other person doesn't want to see you on the subway either, so if you both just stand your ground and ignore that you are in the same place at the same time, it will be fine. It's not like you two hate each other, you just hate this situation that the universe has temporarily placed you in. But this too shall pass... and who knows, you may never see each other again anyway and you'll never have to discuss this incident.
RUN
Hold out until the next stop and then make a run for it to the next car. Ben Yakas uses this bold approach, and says it's "the main defense to an unwanted subway stop-and-chat... but it is dangerous, since you'll have to run a few cars down, and pray you aren't getting off at the same stop as them."
Tagged
etiquette
run ins
socially awkward
subway
trainspotting
original
Jen Carlson
Jen Carlson is a former WNYC and Gothamist editor.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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