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Crotchety Long Island Lawmaker Just Wants Everyone To Stop Bicycling
By
Lauren Evans
Published Feb 13, 2014
Modified Feb 13, 2014
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Michal Bednarek / Shutterstock
By
Lauren Evans
Published Feb 13, 2014
Modified Feb 13, 2014
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Thomas F. Barraga has held public office in Suffolk County for a long time—he was a member of the New York State Assembly for 23 years before becoming a member of the 11th Legislative District in 2006. He and his wife, Joanne, have two daughters, and are members of the Our Lady of Lourdes Roman Catholic Church in West Islip. In addition to all of this, Thomas F. Barraga would really just like everyone to please stop riding their infernal bicycles.
Barraga says as much in a very earnest, very concerned letter penned on January 29 to one Mr. Cutrone, who apparently complained that West Islip is not a hospitable place for cyclists, his mother having been badly injured in some sort of crash a few months prior.
The tone of the letter is reminiscent of Bilbo Baggins politely declining to leave the Shire. If you can, find Ian Holm and ask him to read it to you. If you can't, any elderly man guarding his lawn from a rocking chair will do just fine:
Sandy Heins Cutrone / Facebook
"I have lived in West Islip for most of my life and my personal feeling is that no one who lives in our hamlet and for that matter Suffolk County should ever ride a bicycle or a motorcycle," he writes. "I cannot tell you how many constituents over the years have told me that they are taking up bicycling for pleasure and exercise. I have told them not to do so but they usually do not listen—90 percent of these people were eventually hit by an automobile..."
This is cause and effect. If you ride a bicycle or a motor-bicycle in Suffolk County—even on the grass, even in your own home—a predatory car will find you and it will kill you. Barraga has tried to warn you, but you are too busy writing letters from your bicycle to listen.
He goes on to say that's he's heard all the loopy suggestions about the "bike lanes" and "additional signage," sure, but certainly that won't solve the problem—bicyclists will just have to accept the fact that their kind simply isn't welcome in a family place like Suffolk County. You wouldn't ride your bicycle through a Cracker Barrel or a hospital for disabled children, would you? So why would you ride it through Suffolk County?
Even in those areas outside Suffolk County, with entire swaths of road dedicated to cyclists—you'll still get hit by motorists. More signs won't do anything. There's already so many, and "most of them are ignored by drivers."
Barraga concludes his note with the equivalent of an avuncular pat on the knee, the kind that says that the matter is closed but thank you very much for bringing it up.
"Reality at time [sic] can be difficult for some to come to grips with but giving false hope would be inappropriate," it says. At this point, Ian Holm should stand, stretch, and beckon you toward the door—it's getting late, and he needs to take his lithium.
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Lauren Evans
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