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Ask A Native New Yorker: Should I Send My Kid To A Fancy Private School?

Gothamist Staff

Published Jan 17, 2014

Modified Jan 21, 2014

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Gothamist Staff

Published Jan 17, 2014

Modified Jan 21, 2014

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Are you relatively new to this fine metropolis? Don't be shy about it, everyone was new to New York once upon a time... except, of course, those battle-hardened residents who've lived here their whole lives and Know It All. One of these lifers works among us at Gothamist—publisher Jake Dobkin grew up in Park Slope and currently resides in Brooklyn Heights. He is now fielding questions—ask him anything by sending an email here, but be advised that Dobkin is "not sure you guys will be able to handle my realness." We can keep you anonymous if you prefer; just let us know what neighborhood you live in.

This week's question comes from a Crown Heights gentrifier who wonders if it's wrong to ship his kid off to a private school.

Dear Native New Yorker,

A few years ago, my wife and I ponied up a lot of money to buy an old brownstone on the edge of Prospect Heights (although we've now found out it's actually Crown Heights.) Anyway, we love the vibe down on Vanderbilt and Franklin, and although the house was expensive, we'd rather live here than in a smaller apartment in Park Slope.

But now we've got a kid, and we've started looking at the local schools we're zoned for, and we've got some serious concerns about whether it would be right to send our little one into an environment where he's not going to fit in racially (we're white) or economically. We don't want to move, so we're thinking about private schools.

Is it wrong to move to a neighborhood like this and not send our kid to the local school?

Sincerely,

Pappy McGentrifier

A Native New Yorker responds:

Dear Pappy,

You have to do what's right for your kid. In matters of parenting, native New Yorkers suspend our usual harsh judgementalism. If you believe, after careful consideration, that the best option is to send your child to private school, we will give you the benefit of the doubt. But as it happens, sending your kid to private school is almost always the wrong choice, and I hope that you are willing to put aside any racial or class biases and consider the following argument with an open mind.

First, consider the cost. Oh God, the cost! What kind of sucker pays NYC's high taxes and then doesn't use the services those taxes provide? Consider: the tuition at the private schools nearest to your home (St. Ann's, Packer, Berkeley Carroll) runs about $35,000 per year. That's at least $50K in pre-tax earnings once you figure in all the hidden costs and extra donations the school is going to hit you up for every year. And that's for your first kid! Say you have two or three—now you're looking at six figures worth of spending every year, for the next fifteen years. Is that a commitment you really want to take on in the present uncertain economic climate?

Even if you have it, think about everything else that money could buy: travel, enriching hobbies, and, most importantly, the free time that comes with a job that doesn't require you to make so much money. Wouldn't your kid be better off with all that and going to a public school, instead of seeing his dad only on the weekends because he's killing himself at work to make tuition payments?

But say money is no object—I'd still argue that your kids are better off going to public school. You see, in this tumultuous 21st century of ours, the most important skill is going to be adaptability: being able to deal with fast-changing situations and people from all different walks of life. That's the kind of experience you get going to a public school, and that's why kids who go to public school are stronger, more resilient, and more creative than kids who go to private school. And the public school kids are in the majority: about 90% of NYC kids go to public school—do you really want your kid in the other 10% when they all start mixing together in college and in working life?

(Courtesy Jake Dobkin Private Collection)

I remember when I first started at Stuyvesant, back in 1990. There was a big group of kids who came over from the Brooklyn private schools, and after like three weeks, more than a few of them had dropped out and gone back to the schools they came from. They just couldn't handle the stress of going to a sink-or-swim shark tank style school with 900 kids in a grade. But guess what? The future belongs to crowds and you owe it to your kid to get him ready now. Also, all the kids who went back to private school died of cocaine overdoses, because those schools had major drug problems, which is what you get when you put a lot of over-coddled rich kids together.

Okay, it's possible that they're not all dead. But I see no evidence that the kids who went to private school went on to lead more successful lives professionally or socially than those of us who went to public school. Certainly the ones I encountered again in college didn't seem any smarter or more emotionally evolved. It's possible that some of their private school connections paid unseen dividends, perhaps for the very few who went into finance, but come on—in 2014 do you really want your kid to go down that road? In twenty years or so he'll wind up under the guillotine in Union Square with the rest of the upper crust.

Also consider the political dimension of your decision. If you send your kid to private school, you're robbing the local public school system of an engaged, thoughtful family. If everyone who could afford to do that did it, the public schools would continue to grow poorer and less diverse. This could end in an apartheid-type system, where all the kids from the projects and section 8 buildings in your neighborhood go to the public schools, and all the rich kids go to private schools in other neighborhoods. Apartheid didn't end well for anyone! The poor kids are going to get angry, and the rich kids are going to get soft and scared. Eventually, unfortunate collisions are going to result.

I understand it's not easy to send your kid to a school where he's going to stand out. You've probably looked at the numbers on InsideSchools or whatever and seen low test scores, high numbers of minority kids qualifying for free lunches, and concluded that quality of instruction must be bad. This is not so! Unlike private school teachers, all NYC public school teachers have to pass mandatory licensing exams and have relevant training. The curriculum at every school has to live up to the standards set by the city and state, and (like it or not) the students are tested to prove they're making progress. Low scores might simply be a reflection of poverty, and not say anything about the atmosphere in the classrooms or the attitude of the staff. The only way to know is to actually visit the school.

But let's say you do visit, and the school really isn't up to snuff. You still have options! The best one is to organize a group of families facing the same decision as you, and see if there's enough critical mass to get involved and improve the school. You'd be surprised at what a dedicated group of 10 or 20 families can accomplish. I'm not saying that road is easy, or wouldn't involve a lot of time and effort, but it sounds like you intend to stay in your neighborhood for a long time, and want it to be a good place to live. Many schools, including the ones that are now considered desirable, were once troubled. They improved because people took the time to care about them. Be the change you want to see in the world!

Remember: you want your kid to grow up in a diverse, nurturing neighborhood, surrounded by local friends and walking to school in the morning. You do not want to have to get out of bed at 7 a.m. every morning to schlep them to a citadel of privilege three miles away which is slowly bankrupting you. The choice is yours—but make the right one!

N.B.: In every public school district in the city there are gifted and talented programs. While these are a form of de-facto segregation, it's better to send your kid to one of them than remove him from the public school system entirely.

N.B. 2: Some take this argument to its logical conclusion, and argue we should just ban private schools. This is an unworkable solution politically, even in a liberal state like New York. The constituencies devoted to private education (and to undermining public education) are simply too dedicated and powerful at present. The best we can do is improve our public schools to the point that going to private school is illogical in almost all situations and deeply uncool.

N.B. 3: There are three situations in which I can understand choosing private school: genuine religious belief that requires Catholic School, Yeshiva, etc, genuine special physical or emotional needs that are not served in public special education, or genuine political/philosophical objection to our current regime of high-stakes testing (or other educational philosophy).

Ask A Native New Yorker anything by emailing our Tips address here.

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