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Bloomberg Loves Jay-Z, Writes God Awful Poetry
By
Lauren Evans
Published Apr 18, 2013
Modified Apr 18, 2013
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By
Lauren Evans
Published Apr 18, 2013
Modified Apr 18, 2013
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We know a lot about Mayor Bloomberg—his likes, his dislikes, what he looks like while dancing. But today, we learned a lot—certainly more than we wanted to—about his soul.
Bloomberg penned a fawning tribute to Jay-Z as part of Time's 100 Most Influential People issue, praising the rapper for being a "kid from a tough neighborhood who grows up in public housing, overcomes lots of bad influences on the street, never lets go of his dream, makes it to the top — and then keeps going, pursuing new outlets for his creativity and ambition." We are unsure why these plaudits are delivered in present tense, but no matter, the sentiment remains sweet, sort of.
Bloomie and Jay do have quite a bit in common, at least in the sense that they're both billionaire moguls. One glaring, retina-singeing distinction remains, however: Jay-Z is much better at rhyming than Bloomberg. Here are the words that a drunk child the Mayor of New York City purportedly wrote in honor of "Poem in Your Pocket Day."
April is the cruelest month, I’ve heard a poet say
But not for me because there’s Poem in Your Pocket Day
Each year, I get to publish my new verse - it’s quite a perk
Too bad reporters always ask me to describe my work
Oh who knows?
Here goes…
My stuff’s not like Dickinson - or Gertrude Stein
I’m not a new Longfellow, though he’s just fine
I don’t write like Whitman, I don’t rhyme like Pope
I don’t sound like Ezra Pound (or so I hope)
My work’s not like Chaucer or Baldwin or Hughes
My poems aren’t like Emerson’s or Angelou’s
I’m not Robert Frost - though we share a few traits
And I am not Keats (which does not rhyme with Yeats)
My style isn’t Wordsworth - that’s not what it is
Nor is it like Browning (Not Robert or Liz)
It’s not Dr. Seuss. It’s not Mother Goose.
I just can’t describe it - I have no excuse
But hey!
That’s okay….
I’m Bloomberg!
Not Ginsberg or Sandburg, you see
I shouldn’t be T.S.
i can’t be e.e.
I won’t ever rhyme like Muhammad Ali
I’m me
In NYC
So I’m free
To be anything I want to be
And that is the note I’ll end upon
New York New York!
Write on Write on!
Worse than last year? You be the judge.
Tagged
jay-z
mayor bloomberg
poetry
Lauren Evans
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