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Cinnabon & Oreo "Chillatta": A 1,000 Calorie Match Made In Heaven
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Mar 21, 2013
Modified Mar 21, 2013
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Cinnabon
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Mar 21, 2013
Modified Mar 21, 2013
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"Atlanta, GA—Cinnabon, Inc. has introduced a new minty treat—the Oreo® Mint Chillatta™. The new specialty beverage is available now at participating Cinnabon® bakeries. This creamy Chillatta is the perfect blend of sweet cream, Oreo cookies, mint flavoring and a ribbon of chocolate sauce, topped with whipped cream and crumbled Oreo cookie pieces. For a limited time only."
Three months ago...
A dozen men and women in suits sit around a large circular table carved to look like a Cinnabon. The mood is tense
Cinnaboard Member 1: OK people, Don's not in his Cinnabest mood today, so we have to think of some better ideas for our spring product line before he gets here. Dina, I liked your BenzoBon proposal, but there's no way Pfizer can make that icing cost-effective.
CB2: We need to get out from under this stigma that we're a boutique product only sold at airports to—
CB3: Registered sex offenders?
CB2: What?! No! I meant people who don't care about their—
CB3: Didn't you see that insane 60 Minutes segment last week? Apparently we're incredibly popular with—
CB1: All right, enough! This is all CinnaNegativity, OK? We're just spinning our bons, here, people. We need ideas! What about a new beverage?
CB4: Well sir, our Chillatta fleet seems to be selling fine, but we've noticed in the focus groups that people are confused by the word "Chillatta."
CB1: Confused how? More confused than our target customer is supposed to be?
CB4: They don't know whether it's a coffee drink or a dessert drink, or if they're actually at Dunkin Donuts.
CB2: Maybe we need something bolder, some other trusted brand to help us cut through the noise.
Door bursts open to reveal CinnaCEO Don "The Bon" McDonaugh
Don: CRISCO FIIIIIIIIIGHT!
Don tosses globs of shortening around the room as boardmembers laugh and duck behind their chairs and playfully throw scalding hot icing back at their fearless leader
Don: [Wiping tear from eye] Hoo boy, were ya'll scared? Betcha ya'll were scared. I told Tony to make sure you were shittin' yerselves when I walked in here.
CB1: Worked like a charm as usual, boss.
Don: So what we got here? Who's our CinnaProm Queen this spring?
CB3: Sir we were thinking a Chillata collaboration with…
Air is thick with tension and shortening fumes as boardmembers lean in nervously
Don: Well?
CB3: A Chillata collaboration with Oreo.
Don: I love it! Get Nabisco on the CinnaPhone. We're gonna make a billion dollars!
Tagged
cinnabon
fast food
obesity epidemic
oreo
why god
yum
original
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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