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Mom Who Jumped To Death Blamed Herself For Injuring Baby
By
Ben Yakas
Published Mar 15, 2013
Modified Mar 15, 2013
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By
Ben Yakas
Published Mar 15, 2013
Modified Mar 15, 2013
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On Wednesday, a Manhattan lawyer committed suicide by jumping from her eighth floor Harlem apartment with her 10-month-old son strapped to her chest. Miraculously, the 10-month-old was cushioned by her body, and survived the fall with minor injuries. But in her suicide note, 44-year-old Cynthia Wachenheim blamed herself for a series of incidents with her son that she believed had caused a serious medical condition (possibly cerebral palsy or autism) with “lifelong consequences.” And she called herself "evil" in the note.
Here's what sources told the Times about the 13-page suicide letter:
According to a law enforcement official who has seen the note, she wrote that her infant son, Keston Bacharach, had previously taken a few tumbles, including “two shameful incidents,” a fall from a Gymini play set onto the wood floor when she walked out of the room for five minutes, and off a bed. She blamed herself, and was convinced that those falls had led to a series of concussions and seizures that aggravated or contributed to maladies that would harm him for the rest of his life.
Her friends, family members and pediatrician did not believe her, she wrote. But she noticed changes in the baby — changes that only a mother who spends all day with her child would notice. For instance, she wrote, her son had grown sleepier and cried more frequently. She wrote that she could not bear the thought that he might suffer because she had failed to protect him. She wrote that what she was about to do was “evil.”
Wachenheim, who was an associate attorney for the New York State Supreme Court and graduated from Columbia Law School, also wrote in the note that she was depressed and could no longer socialize. She wrote that she was sure people would see her behavior as postpartum depression or psychosis. A police source told the Daily News, "She was supposed to see a therapist, but she blew him off."
According to the Post, Wachenheim's husband Hal Bacharach is now blaming himself for leaving the apartment that afternoon after the two had gotten into a fight. “He’s going through it in his head and just wishes he could go back in time,” a relative told them. “He wishes he’d never left.” The relative added that Wachenheim refused to take her medication: “Hal has been at a loss at how to deal with this,” they said. “She wouldn’t take her medication. She wouldn’t go to her appointments. She was basically out of control. He worried that she was sinking — but I don’t think he ever saw her capable of this.”
“I’m sure you understand, I’m absolutely overwhelmed with grief,” Bacharach told the Times over the phone. “I have my son, who was lucky enough to survive, in my lap,” he told them, repeating similar words several times. “It’s unbelievable. Right now my crying son is in my arms.”
If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide: do not leave the person alone, remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt, and call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional.
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Ben Yakas
Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.
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