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Anti-Semitic Elmo Sick Of Being Lumped In With Groping Super Mario
By
John Del Signore
Published Dec 28, 2012
Modified Jun 6, 2013
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Courtesy @JordanDTate
By
John Del Signore
Published Dec 28, 2012
Modified Jun 6, 2013
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The street "performer" who's been arrested multiple times while soliciting tips in an Elmo costume is saying sayonara to NYC. Adam Sandler (no relation to the beloved Just Go With It star) says it's increasingly difficult for him to ply his trade here after the arrest of another costumed character in Times Square. A little over a week ago, a New Jersey man who dresses up as Super Mario was arrested for allegedly groping a woman. And while Sandler has been arrested for disorderly conduct after screaming anti-Semitic slurs, he wants the world to know he's no perv.
"I saw my name came up in relation to [the alleged Mario grope], but my situation was different,” Sandler tells the Post in an exclusive interview. “They’re rehashing me because there are some big problems with the cartoon characters.” Indeed, the Super Mario sex assault could not have come at a worse time. Rumors are swirling about a graphic sex tape involving Minnie Mouse and Goofy in the bathroom of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., and our sources in the cartoon character community say a sodden Buzz Lightyear was recently spotted at a cockfight with Hello Kitty.
All joking aside, Sandler is sincerely concerned about being tarred with Kevin Clash's brush. As you'll recall, the Elmo puppeteer left Sesame Street after allegations emerged that he'd had been sexually involved with minors. “I had people yelling slurs at me, calling me a pedophile, saying I couldn’t be trusted around children,” Sandler, who was previously arrested while screaming "I HATE JEWS!" tells the tabloid. "That... had some effect on my business." Leave it to Elmo's creator to ruin Elmo for everyone.
In fact, Sandler insists he's nothing but a gentleman, and has had to spurn numerous advances from slatternly fans. "I’ve had women wanting to wrap their legs around me,” Sandler elaborates, filling our brains with horrifying images we can't unsee. “When we’re in the costume, women want us. One woman asked me to touch her breast. I wouldn’t do it.” [Editor's Note: It is true that women do go wild for a man in costume—just ask Santa.]
To escape all this, Sandler has announced he's headed to Hawaii, where he'll "do Elmo" in Honolulu. “There’s too many people doing it here," he concludes. No argument there; in fact, we can all agree there are too many people doing Adam Sandler, too.
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John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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