Gothamist
A non-profit newsroom, powered by WNYC.
Gothamist
Listen Live
Food
Ray Kelly's "Secret" Meatball Recipe Revealed!
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Mar 24, 2012
Modified Mar 24, 2012
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
Never miss a story
Email address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .
original image by Shutterstock / Gelpi
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Mar 24, 2012
Modified Mar 24, 2012
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
We rely on your support to make local news available to all
Make your contribution now and help Gothamist thrive in 2026. Donate today
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Outraged city council members, bloodied protesters, The Media, and Muslims across the Northeast haven't been too pleased with NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly recently. But who cares what they think: the people love him! And be prepared to love him even more, because "the Master of PR" has released his "secret" meatball recipe. Now that's a spicy meatball! Maybe it's a little too spicy? Better pat it down to be sure.
NYPD spokesman Paul Browne tells the Post that the Commissioner's balls are "outstanding. They are moist. They do melt in your mouth, not in your hands." Uhh, better check your earpiece Paulie, you may have gotten that last line a little garbled. Anyway, here's the recipe:
- 1 lb of fleshy substance found in corner store in Newark, New Jersey. Referred to by patrons and peers as "pork." Speaks with a thick, swiney accent. Seems to avoid synagogues.
- 1 lb of veal—for maximum tenderness use veal that has spent at least 36 hours caged in The Tombs after refusing an iris scan.
- 1 lb of Paul Browne's Bull (beef)
- 1 egg, cracked with baton
- Pepperocini, chopped with a dagger, preferably at a parade.
- Basil. Plain, clean, wholesome, basil.
- Parmesan cheese, grated with orange kettling net.
- Italian Parsley (you think it's just normal parsley so you invite it to a white water rafting trip and a few years later BOOM: you realize it was all a ruse).
- Lots of garlic to ward off Vampire Terrorists, per "True Blood" training video.
- Sautéed onions (the SECRET ingredient! Thank the AP for revealing this one!)
Kelly's instructions for kneading: “It’s hands on. Summon your inner Italian.” Or imagine that it shot you "a look." It'll get mashed up in no time!
Tagged
islam
italian food
meatballs
nypd
occupy wall street
paul browne
Ray Kelly
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
Read more
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
MORE food
Can opening a restaurant in a New York museum turn the food into a work of art?
These city institutions — including museums, galleries, and auction houses — are hoping customers will find a luxurious meal to be as appealing as the priceless works on the walls.
By
Joshua David Stein
Published Nov 4, 2026
Why NYC restaurants are playing coy about sustainability
Though it has multiple benefits, the practice remains popular for one basic reason: it saves money.
By
Samantha Dady
Food
Why NYC restaurants are playing coy about sustainability
Though it has multiple benefits, the practice remains popular for one basic reason: it saves money.
By
Samantha Dady
Where are the cheapest drinks in NYC? A new report details the city's average prices.
By
Hannah Frishberg
North African restaurants are rare in NYC. These 10 are the best.
By
Robert Sietsema
10 dishes that demonstrate the delicious diversity of curry in New York City
By
Robert Sietsema
Never miss a story
Catch up on the most important headlines with a roundup of essential NYC stories, delivered to your inbox daily.
Sign upEmail address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .