Gothamist
A non-profit newsroom, powered by WNYC.
Gothamist
Listen Live
News
Shut Up Bankers: 5 Whiniest Quotes From The Poor Bonus-Deprived
By
John Del Signore
Published Feb 29, 2012
Modified Feb 29, 2012
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
Never miss a story
Email address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .
By
John Del Signore
Published Feb 29, 2012
Modified Feb 29, 2012
Share
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
We rely on your support to make local news available to all
Make your contribution now and help Gothamist thrive in 2026. Donate today
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Cash bonuses on Wall Street are expected to drop by 14 percent during this year's "bonus season," according to a new report by State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli. And, sadly, there isn't a laboratory in the world with the nanotechnology capable of constructing a violin tiny enough for the bankers quoted in this Bloomberg News article by Max Abelson. Headlined "Wall St. Bonus Drop Means Trading Aspen for Discount Cereal," the story was bravely filed from the war-torn front lines of the financial industry, where Abelson traveled to get the untold story of those hit hardest by the Great Recession: the financial industry workers who made the recession happen.
But despite all the tempestuous vicissitudes of the stock market, Abelson finds that there's at least one commodity that's always highly valued by Wall Street: self-pity. Please enjoy the most astonishingly oblivious quotes from these poor, poor bankers. Just remember as you read this, according to DiNapoli, only $20 billion in bonuses will be paid out in the coming year, with the average bonus coming in around $121,000! If Sally Strothers taught us anything, it's that as tempting as it is to look away, we must never ignore how others are suffering:
- The Sickness: Investor Michael Sonnenfeld describes a feeling of "malaise," and says his fellow millionaires are being forced to "reexamine lots of assumptions about how grand their life would be. For many people of wealth, they’ve had a crushing setback as well.”
- The Isolation: "People who don’t have money don’t understand the stress," says financial planner Alan Dlugash. "Could you imagine what it’s like to say I got three kids in private school, I have to think about pulling them out? How do you do that?"
- The Humiliation: "They have a circular that they leave in front of the buildings in our neighborhood," says Wall Street headhunter Daniel Arbeeny, who lives in Cobble Hill. “We sit there, and I look through all of them to find out where it’s worth going."
- The Chores: "I can’t imagine what I’m going to do," says marketing director Andrew Schiff said. "I’m crammed into 1,200 square feet. I don’t have a dishwasher. We do all our dishes by hand... I’m stuck like a rat in a trap on a highway with no way to get out, it’s very hard."
- The Loss of the Ability to Hear Your Own Voice: "I wouldn’t want to whine," Schiff also said.
Guys, take a deep breath and get it together! Imagine how your girlfriends feel? If all else fails you can always charge people $5 to kick you in the groin. And hey, if that doesn't pan out, you'll always have the dumpling business to fall back on.
Tagged
bankers
bonus
schadenfreude
self pity
stock market
wall street
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
Read more
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
MORE news
NYC Council to consider earlier Legionella reporting after deadly outbreaks
A bill facing a hearing Monday would require cooling tower owners to notify city health officials when bacteria levels reach a much lower threshold.
By
Catalina Gonella
Published Oct 18, 2026 at 7:36 p.m. ET
Staten Island fire injures 2, but spares historic 'Godfather' church
Dozens of firefighters responded to the blaze, which started in a vacant warehouse. It was contained within three hours.
By
Giulia Heyward
News
Staten Island fire injures 2, but spares historic 'Godfather' church
Dozens of firefighters responded to the blaze, which started in a vacant warehouse. It was contained within three hours.
By
Giulia Heyward
Bail reform remains major issue in NY governor's race, 7 years after it became law
By
Gino Fanelli
NYPD identifies Bronx man, 26, killed in Midtown subway shooting
By
Ryan Kost
,
Elizabeth Kim
and
Phil Corso
Have you seen this Yorkie? NYPD looking for adorable pup dognapped from her Queens home
By
Ryan Kost
Never miss a story
Catch up on the most important headlines with a roundup of essential NYC stories, delivered to your inbox daily.
Sign upEmail address
By submitting your information, you're agreeing to receive communications from New York Public Radio in accordance with our Terms .