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From The Mailbag: America Loves Ron Paul Edition
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Aug 21, 2011
Modified Aug 21, 2011
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Aug 21, 2011
Modified Aug 21, 2011
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We receive a lot of e-mail. Most of these missives are carefully read, discussed at length among the editors, and courteously replied to in a timely fashion—except for the ones that are so bizarre and irrelevant that we're simply afraid to engage the sender. Instead, we'll share them with you. Behold, the eccentric underbelly of the Gothamist inbox:
Judging by the reaction to last week's piece entitled "3 Reasons Why Ron Paul Will Never, Ever Be President," it appears that Ron Paul's supporters don't take kindly to someone insulting their Ronny's chances at getting elected. Below are some of the more spirited missives directed at the ill-informed heathen who wrote the article.
Mr. Robbins,
If you knew any history, or had any capacity for reflection, you could have asked yourself, "How did the federal government pay for anything before the income tax?". Of course, you didn't. That would be too much for someone who writes at the prestigous "Gothamist". (That's sarcasm. I shouldn't have to say it, but with you...)
You will never even come close to understanding Dr. Paul because to do so would be to understand Kantian epistemology and Austrian economics. Nonetheless, you consider yourself qualified to write about political/economic issues. You are part of the problem. Please do us a favor and change occupations/vocations.
We understand what you're saying little Billy—can we call you little Billy? But the truth is, we haven't "had any capacity for reflection" since this head injury we sustained in a horrible sculpting accident. Chiseling away at our gorgeous marble statue of Ayn Rand, we accidentally knocked off a massive chunk that resulted in permanent brain damage (Interestingly enough, it only enhanced our love and understanding for Ayn Rand!). This is also why we got a "D" in "Kantian Espistemology, Austrian Economics, and Other Phrases College Students Use To Get Laid At CPAC."
Your article entitled "3 reasons Ron Paul...etc" is complete garbage. Do you get paid to write that nonsense? Just wondering. Oh, did I mention you're a liar? Just checking.
We get paid per every Ron Paul reference. Our Christmas bonuses are calculated by the number of Ron Raul references we make, multiplied by the amount of lies we write, divided by the number of bike lane posts. The writer with the highest number rings Rand Paul's doorbell and runs. If Paul's wearing jeans, they get a gift certificate to the Pop Tart Experience.
How could you let this article get thru editing, I understand you may be a very liberal, borderline socialist, therefore politically biased news company and that in its own is fine. This article written by this Robbins character is hilariously written as if a 9th grader was trying to do a report listening to his dad’s drunken rants. While it was a treat to read and gave us quite a laugh this morning I think you should keep letting this guy write about bike lanes, rubber gun robbers, and café arsons. Those are at least creditable story’s he can check facts against. Let the politics be handled by a non-bias journalist with a grown up approach to real facts, and not petty articles on faux facts, maybe the title should have read, ‘’3 Reason I Believe Why Ron Paul Will Never, Ever Be President.’’Just a suggestion cause he looks foolish, and therefore he makes your “news column” look foolish.
Now wait just a second: our father didn't make us duct tape a dictaphone to his drunken chest after a long night at the pier so we could "listen" to his rants. ("More tape, son. I want to bleed when I rip this thing off," he'd say. "Yes, Dad. And don't forget those pills you made me steal from the neighbors," was our reply.) Every morsel got transcribed. That's how we learned that Scientology secretly controls TV Guide, why Ronald Reagan was never seen in the same room as a microwave (LOOK IT UP) and how long it takes to burn a 13-foot stack of pornographic VHS tapes before Mom gets home (3 days).
Also, we're changing the name of the site from Gothamist to Socialist. Look for next week's article, "3 Reasons Why The Brave Leader Obama Needs Us To Work Harder In The Death Panels."
Tagged
2012
austrian economics
ayn rand
cpac
gop
hurt feelings
kantian epistemology
ron paul
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
Gothamist is funded by sponsors and member donations
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