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Albany, Beware: Minnesota's Shutdown Leads To Coors Light Shortage
By
Christopher Robbins
Published Jul 13, 2011
Modified Jul 14, 2011
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By
Christopher Robbins
Published Jul 13, 2011
Modified Jul 14, 2011
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Listen up, Albany: government shutdowns can have graver consequences than the loss of public employees' right to collective bargaining: because of Minnesota's gridlock—currently in its 13th day—MillerCoors can't renew their brand label registration, thus all MillerCoors products will be off shelves in the Land of 10,000 Lakes "within days." The company represents 38 percent of the beer market in Minnesota, which means 38 percent of the population that drinks beer will have to settle for a can that doesn't tell if you if your suds are cold or not. How will we know unless the can tells us?! Not to mention all those poor people who pilot that Silver Bullet train to Refreshmentville will be out of work.
A spokesman for the state's Department of Public Safety tells the StarTribune that the law requires brewers to renew their brand registration "which show the label on each brand of beer" every three years. Fans of Anheuser-Busch products can take comfort that the company doesn't have to renew their brand registration until October.
Perhaps worse than MillerCoors products disappearing is the fact that Minnesota's bars are running out of booze because "they were unable to renew their state-issued purchase cards." Who will save the sober Minnesotans? A spokesman for MillerCoors says they're "exploring all options that are available," but if there's a time to put partisan bickering aside, it's now. Do it for the children (that people will have after they drink Coors and have sex)!
Tagged
beer
budweiser
coors
minnesota
sobriety
Christopher Robbins
Christopher Robbins is a New York City reporter covering transportation, affordable housing, local politics, and criminal justice. His work has also appeared in New York Magazine, The Village Voice and The New York Times. Chris is a graduate of Patrick Henry High School in Roanoke, Virginia, and enjoys biking to Fort Tilden in the summertime.
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