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Heathens 1, Rapturists 0

By

Ben Yakas

Published May 21, 2011

Modified May 21, 2011

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By

Ben Yakas

Published May 21, 2011

Modified May 21, 2011

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Unless we've misunderstood the utterly convoluted biblical logic of Harold Camping's Judgment Day prophecy, we're pretty sure we won! Or, we've all been left behind. Regardless, there haven't been any more reports of earthquakes, so we feel pretty comfortable calling this one a win for non-cultists. Which means it's time for us all to face a much more realistic horror: Monday morning.

Of course, we could be wrong: if you look at the picture gallery above, taken around town by Navid Baraty, you might be convinced otherwise. As Tom Scocca points out, some things were left behind, such as subway ads on the D train, kaiser rolls and certain mysterious beer bottles. But assuming the time of this rapture has now passed, true believers must turn toward the future; Slate takes a grim look at what's next for doomsday cults who were wrong.

As for the rest of us, we have to deal with all that junk we were hoping the rapture might get us out of, things like paying our phone bill, calling our mother, and reading Moby Dick. And while some people won't be able to get their life-savings back, Roger Ebert points out an even more depressing fact: "Think what could have been done with the $100 million spent to advertise Rev. Harold Camping's bullshit."

But if you're feeling a bit bummed in this post-rapture world, it's understandable. You may be asking yourself right now: what do we have left to fear? Fret not! There are ample acts of vengeance everywhere you look. The waiter who spits in your frittata! The dog who pees on your boat shoes! Bed bugs! There's always bed bugs.

Anyway, there will be plenty of new, more convincing doomsday preachers to throw your lot behind in the future. So cheer up! And in that spirit, here are some of the rejected titles for this post:

Tagged

apocalypse

doomsday

heathens

judgment day

rapture

rapturists

whoops

Ben Yakas

Ben Yakas is a former Gothamist reporter.

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