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New DOH "Cubicle Village" Rules Discourage Eating, Odors, Photos
By
John Del Signore
Published Apr 4, 2011
Modified Apr 4, 2011
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By
John Del Signore
Published Apr 4, 2011
Modified Apr 4, 2011
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Today the NYC Health Department is relocating to new offices in Long Island City, and officials are doing their best to start things off on the right foot with new "Guidelines for Life in the Cubicle Village." As you can see from the rules below, village life here is a Utopian paradise where conscientious villagers refrain from "shouting" from hut to hut, or eating food outside of designated areas, or displaying potentially offensive "non-work related items" such as photos of loved ones. In addition, the department has updated its guidelines for food and beverages served at agency meetings and events. This means our tax dollars will no longer go toward deep fried Oreos—or fried anything, for that matter. Here are the ten important rules for proper village etiquette:
- Cell phones or other personal handheld devices have become an essential way of life for many. Often, ring tones are set to music or other distinctive tones, and humorous or entertaining as they may be, use of these devices disrupts the workplace. If you choose to keep a cell phone on your desk, please keep it on vibrate. Use designated closed space to have a conversation on your cell phone.
- Please limit conversations in cubicles and utilize designated private space for impromptu discussions. Remember: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used against you."
- Please try to avoid eating at your workstation. Designated eating locations are provided on each floor to avoid smells in the work area - what smells great to one person may not seem so delicious to another. Also, if you are bringing a beverage to your workstation, please use cups with lids and clean up spills immediately! Remember: Crumbs and spills attract uninvited guests.
- Scents travel as easily as sounds over cubicle walls. Some individuals have a high sensitivity to smells from cologne, perfume, or other scented products. In addition to practicing good personal hygiene, avoid using products with noticeable odors.
- Please leave personal cleansers, disinfectants or air fresheners at home. Some chemicals may pose a health threat. Housekeeping services will be provided using products that meet strict safety codes.
- Demonstrate respect for your neighbors by not shouting across or over cubicles. Send an (appropriate) email, make a call or arrange a meeting for longer discussions or conversations.
- If you are working on something that requires your concentration, communicate your need for privacy in a clear and friendly way. For example: "I'm in the middle of something. May I drop by or call you later [give a specific time]?"
- To ensure that the workplace conveys our professionalism, avoid any displays, photos, cartoons, or other personal items that may be offensive to others; keep your workspace uncluttered and clear of non-work related items.
- If you hear a conversation in a neighboring cubicle, make an effort to avoid eavesdropping; if that fails, at least resist the urge to add your comments.
- Maintain confidential information out of the earshot or view of others. When stepping away from your work space, lock your computer screen and place confidential documents out of sight. Be especially mindful when you are in pantries, corridors, elevators and bathrooms.
Please familiarize yourself with these guidelines, as it's only a matter of time before the Bloomberg administration implements them citywide (with summons starting at $50). And below, please find the Health Department's new brochure detailing the food guidelines. Only one dessert portion per person at special events, and be sure to pre-cut the desserts into small mini portions to keep the fatties on a short leash! Obviously, soda is verboten; instead, please enjoy a complimentary serving of fresh tap water to wash down your celebratory whole wheat cracker, then silently return to your undecorated cube and get back to work!
Tagged
cubicle village
department of health
doh
health department
rules
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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