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Ha, In Lieu of Ground Zero Mosque, Maybe TERRORIST MOTEL?

By

John Del Signore

Published Oct 21, 2010

Modified Oct 21, 2010

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By

John Del Signore

Published Oct 21, 2010

Modified Oct 21, 2010

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Last night we got this press release about a proposed alternative to the "Ground Zero" mosque. It seems an "international architectural firm is proposing a Terrorist Motel" to replace the controversial mosque, and the release goes on to say that the design team of "Mohammed Borges, Ali Lewis and Abdul Clark" (eh?) want to build "a labyrinth of man-made caves, a state-of-the-art training facility, a library of clandestine training manuals, designated storage areas for ammunition, and dirt cheap accommodations for international terrorists and drug smugglers." As far as modest proposals go, it's actually not very funny at all, and we can't tell if it's meant to be offensive or just an ironic parody of Islamophobia. But the rendering is pretty slick.

So here's the press release, below. We're pretty sure the Pamela Geller anti-mosque crowd is going to find this hilarious. But hey, their page views count just as much as clicks from rational people!

Terrorist Motel to Replace Controversial Islamic Cultural Center and Mosque

(New York, NY) October 21, 2010 - An international architectural firm is proposing a Terrorist Motel to replace the highly contested Muslim Cultural Center and Mosque at 51 Park Place. The current plans call for a sixteen story building designed with an Islamic patterned design for the façade. The site has been at the center of controversy because of its proximity to Ground Zero. Many feel it’s too close for comfort.

Underground Skyscraper

Stealth Architects headquartered in Saudi Arabia have proposed a radical solution - a motel for terrorists in the form of a negative building. Their underground skyscraper is essentially a sixteen story, two hundred foot hole-in-the-ground filled with caves.

The entrance will be in the form of a dramatic mountain cave with a thirty foot high opening, loosely fashioned on the Tora Bora outpost of Osama Bin Laden.

Labyrinth of Man-Made Caves
The underground skyscraper will contain a labyrinth of man-made caves, a state-of-the-art training facility, a library of clandestine training manuals, designated storage areas for ammunition, and dirt cheap accommodations for international terrorists and drug smugglers.

The motel will be non-denominational, with no preferences given to religion, race or creed.

Cheaper than an Endless War
Mr. Muhammad Imam, the spokesperson for Stealth Architects, said “rather than spending three trillion dollars on an ‘endless war’ which cannot be won, we can put the terrorists up here; at the motel, at the International community’s expense and it will be much cheaper.”

Terrorists don’t need Five-Star Accommodations
“Terrorists don’t need five-star accommodations; they’re used to sleeping on straw beds or directly on the dirt ground, so it will be a relatively inexpensive project to build, they don’t need a fancy restaurant, swimming pool, or a health club, they’re pretty hard core types. We’ve included some perks like free Wi-Fi internet connections, and a shooting range. Still, it’s not going to be something to write home about.” Mr. Imam elaborated.

Construction Schedule

When asked about a construction time-table and adherence to NYC Building Codes, Mr. Imam was gruffly dismissive “we will fast track this project, and have it built in eighteen months, much sooner than the building proceeding at Ground Zero - they’re years out, we will work at night when the building department is closed.” When asked about the possibility of hitting water with a building so deep, he replied “they would go horizontally under the adjacent buildings if need be. These are non-issues for us.”

Mr. Iman concluded by stating that “The Terrorist Motel will provide a remarkable refuge in a city known for its high cost of living. At the very least we’ll know where they’re hiding this time.”

Height: (-200’)
Floors: 3 Above ground, 13 below
Building Footprint: To be determined
Usable square footage: To be determined
Design Team: Mohammed Borges, Ali Lewis and Abdul Clark

Tagged

ground zero mosque

islamophobia

mosque

parody

terrorist hotel

John Del Signore

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Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.

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