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Darth Vader Robs Bank (Photos, Oh Yes, <em>Photos)</em>
By
John Del Signore
Published Jul 22, 2010
Modified Jul 24, 2010
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By
John Del Signore
Published Jul 22, 2010
Modified Jul 24, 2010
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It seems the Empire has fallen on hard times. Presumably to get finishing funds for his latest Death Star, Darth Vader—or a man pretending to be Darth Vader?—was reduced to robbing a bank on Long Island this morning. Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun—as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat—the fallen Jedi demanded cash.
It's unclear whether he also found their lack of faith disturbing, but one Rebel policeman says, "The teller complied with the robber's demands and gave him money from the drawer." Vader is described as 6 feet, 2 inches tall, also wearing camouflage pants, and was last seen boarding a starfighter headed in the direction of Long Island's sinister Sith stronghold, in Valley Stream. (Isn't this also where Improv Everywhere has their headquarters?) Below, a surveillance photo from the teller's point of view:
Update 7/23: Witnesses say bank customers thought it was a joke at first—but then Darth Vader used the Force.
Update 7/24: Now it's reported that Darth Vader truly was trying to do this for the Evil Empire—the Yankees, that is: He threw a Yankees backpack at the teller.
Tagged
bank robbery
Darth Vader
long island
star wars
John Del Signore
Originally from the Albany area, John Del Signore has called NYC home since 1995. In addition to his thousands of meticulously-crafted bespoke blog posts for Gothamist, his writing has also been published in The Awl, Deadspin, The Nervous Breakdown, and performed at The Brick Theater in Brooklyn.
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