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Arts & Entertainment

David Rees, Cartoonist

Gothamist Staff

Published Mar 1, 2004

Modified Mar 6, 2008

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Published Mar 1, 2004

Modified Mar 6, 2008

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The Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
I am a 31-year-old cartoonist. I live in Sunset Park, Brooklyn with my wife. Before Sunset Park we lived in Park Slope for two years. Before Park Slope, Gowanus for a year. Before Gowanus, Boston for six years. Before Boston, Oberlin College for four years. Before Oberlin College, Chapel Hill (NC) for eighteen years.

Threefer Madness
1. What's the real message of "My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable"? Is it that office drones can find liberation through PowerPoint and clip art?
The real message of "My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable" is that everyone has a reason to be scared and most things in life are out of your control. You just have to talk yourself into staying strong, express your feelings, and always remember how crazy life can be.

2. How much more anarchy-filled would the world in fact be if taxpayers could photocopy and laminate for free? Wouldn't we be mercilessly subjected to reams of fan fiction starring David Duchovny in compromising positions?
There would probably be zine anarchy and for a while there would probably be an overabundance of personal zines and fan fiction. But after a while most people would get bored with their publications and only the people who were really dedicated to their projects would continue. Then we would have a national collection of hard-core content that reflected American devotion.

3. At one point you were a fact checker for Maxim. Did this involve any hands-on work, with, say, Carmen Elektra?
I never got to meet any famous babes at Maxim. The most famous person I spoke to was ex-arms inspector Scott Ritter while I was fact-checking an article about Uday and Qusay Hussein. Once I was fact-checking a fashion spread and I called a designer's company to confirm the price of some belt buckle or something, and they actually just handed the phone to the designer, but I don't remember who it was. Also, once we all went to Jamaica and Drew Carey came and gave us a motivational speech.

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Time travel question: What era, day or event in New York's history would you like to re-live?
I don't know much about NYC history. But I think it would be cool to live in Manhattan in the early 60s, so I could spy on my parents as they met and started dating.

9pm, Wednesday night - what are you doing?
Whining about how we don't have any plans for the weekend and wondering who will be fired on "The Apprentice" in 24 hours.

What's your New York motto?
"ATMG: Always too much garbage."

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
I was waiting for someone in Union Square and I noticed an enormous white SUV idling at the corner. The woman in the passenger seat looked just like Missy Elliott. The driver glanced at me and I mouthed the words, "IS THAT MISSY ELLIOTT?" and he just rolled his eyes before looking away. Then I noticed her "Timbaland" sweatshirt and realized it actually WAS Missy Elliott! So I walked up to the truck and knocked on the window and she rolled down the window and I asked her, "Are you Missy Elliott?" And she laughed and said yes and I went into total fan mode. I said, "Well, I just want you to know that I love your music and how creative you and Timbaland are. Can I have your autograph?" She said, "I'm sorry but we're supposed to go to a party and we're already late." At that moment a middle-aged woman in a FULL-LENGTH FUR COAT climbed into the SUV and they pulled away. I stood there for a second and then remembered I was holding a bag of "My Fighting Technique is Unstoppable"s that I was about to drop off at Forbidden Planet (this was back when I was selling the book myself). I decided I should try to give her a copy of the book because maybe then she would fall in love with it and decide to make a musical version of it and I could meet Timbaland and live with them in Virginia... so I bolted down the street after the SUV, but it had disappeared into the NYC evening. Also, once I saw Coolio hanging around with some guys on the hood of a car around 17th Street. Also, once I went to a play and sat behind Hillary Swank. And I saw Henry Kissinger at the airport once.

Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
Oh, my wife and I are definitely leaving New York. She works in foster homes for teenagers in Flatbush and Bed-Stuy and has a really, really, long commute each day. It's grinding, depressing, and dirty. We want a vegetable garden so we're thinking of moving to the midwest in a couple years. Our first apartment was infested with mice and our second apartment always smelled like sewage. The genius landlord told us to spray Lysol in the bathroom. Then, two days before we moved out, I saw him walking down the street covered in grime and he said he had been fixing a broken sewage pipe. So I said, "Ah-ha! You see, it WAS sewage we smelled all this time!" And he said, "No, this pipe is on the other side of the hall--no way you would have smelled it." In my mind, I was like, "Goodbye, New York."

Just after midnight on a Saturday - what are you doing?
Watching Saturday Night Live yet again and HATING MY LIFE.

What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?
I bought a seersucker suit for about $320.

Finish one of the four following sentences:
3) "I hate computers for replacing the card catalog in the New York Public Library and I hate the way..."
tourists WILL ACTUALLY LITTER while they're in New York.

Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time? (Name up to three if you must.)
Jackie the Jokeman, Batman, and Aquaman

What was your best dining experience in NYC?
I used to live across the street from a Peruvian restaurant called Coco Roco in Park Slope and I used to order their sandwiches all the time. They cost $5.99 and they were delicious.

Just how much do you really love New York?
I like it OK. I'll probably appreciate it more once I've moved.

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I hung out with my childhood hero Mike Watt and it was AWESOME. Other than that, I'm not really crazy about LA.

Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
I would like to play the role of "Will Ferrell's drummer" in "Elf: Drum n Bass Remix."

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
Fire the litterbugs, fund social services better, and also fire Leonard Lopate and Maureen Dowd.

The End of The World is finally happening. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
Hang out with my wife, order chorizo burritos, and watch DVDs

Check out David's website here. His latest book, "My New Filing Technique is Unstoppable," will be out soon.

Tagged

And I

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boston

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celebrity

Chapel Hill

college

computers

dating

david

david duchovny

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Drew Carey

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forbidden planet

garbage

henry kissinger

Hillary Swank

history

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Krucoff Questionnaire

leonard lopate

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maureen dowd

Mike Watt

Missy Elliott

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sandwiches

saturday night

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sunset

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the apprentice

The Basics

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The World

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travel

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virginia

Wednesday

will ferrell

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